I Am So Confused Right Now!
by Rajani-the-Freak
Summary: Please read the real summary in the first page. I find this space to not be enough for a summary. Rated M because death and violence
1. Prologue: Explaining The Confusion

**Disclaimer:** I do _not_ own Naruto. If I did either Sasuke wouldn't be that much of an asshole or he wouldn't have gotten away with his bullshit as easily as he did so there is that! Also this disclaimer is aplicable to all the next chapters in this story. I really don't like to repead myself.

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 **Summary:** Reincarnation. Wow. That is real, it seems. Sorry, I'm still a bit in disbelief. I've just recently remembered my whole life before this one. It doesn't help that my eyes are burning for some reason. Now... why the fuck did I get reborn in a world of ninjas that passed of as fiction in my old world? Am I some sort of fucking Mary Sue!?

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 **Author's Notes:** So, I've read a lot of reincarnation fanfics as a way to integrate Self Inserts and decided I wanted in on that train, partly because it would be fun, partly because some of the reactions I read were so out of whack for what a normal person would actually do that I just had to try my own version, maybe you'll also think it's out of whack or maybe you'll like it. My style of writing here is a bit more chaotic compared to other fics, but I like it.

I also take this moment to warn you it'll be some time before Naruto characters start appearing since I want to establish Katsumi's character first. Please be patient. Having said that: enjoy! ^w^

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 **I Am... So Confused Right Now!**

by _Rajani-the-Freak_

 _._

 **Prologue:** Explaining The Confusion

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Reincarnation.

What can I say about that?

Ok, first off, there's no fucking rhyme or reason for why it would happen to me. Or at least no rhyme or reason why _I_ of all people should be the one to remember a previous life.

There's nothing special about me in life. I was just some bitch with average luck leaning a bit towards terrible with a dreadfully boring life, that never really accomplished much and a severe case of depression that had a most average death.

What was my past life like, you may ask? Well... It's not really important to the story aside from the fact that I have knowledge I shouldn't have and the smarts of a 26 year old female, but I Guess I owe you at least a personal review with _some_ detail? Not too much, though. Like I said. My past life is boring and completely inconsequential to the story. Not to mention that I like my privacy.

So, in short, my family was never a 'happy' one. Parents didn't get along so, when I was 3, they divorced. Me and my mother and older sister moved to a different place and I couldn't freely come outside like before and, since everyone was so busy, as soon I was old enough I was relegated to staying home alone with my toys, let's just say that being cooped up all day with no socialization what so ever didn't exactly do wonders for my socialization skills. That and the fact that while my mother struggled to get me to behave well, my father, every time I stayed at him, did everything in his power to ruin that just so that I got on my mother's nerves. It's funny how some people don't hesitate on using their own children as tools for revenge, like they don't have feelings or aren't in anyway psychologically affected by this.

That being said, is it really any wonder that I became as messed up as I did? It certainly made me a bossy little motherfucker. And perhaps with time I could have corrected that and become a well-adjusted human being... but then the bullying began. When people say children are evil, they may have some truth in that.

I wouldn't call them 'evil', per say. Most of the time they just don't know better. In their eyes, their screwed up brains think they are just having fun. So, no. They aren't 'evil'.

...But they are definitely downright cruel.

They never went as far a physical bullying. That I could have dealt with easily. No. It was the verbal bullying, the humiliating and public shaming. Physically I was strong, and even if I wasn't strong enough then, I would have eventually grown to be strong enough after a few beatings. The problem was my lack of socialization. It left me unprepared to retort sensibly to the little shits. It wasn't until much, much later, way after I left that toxic environment, that I started being able to do it.

So yeah, if I wasn't already mentally fucked up enough from the manipulation by my father, the bullying definitely nailed the coffin. To put it simply, I was the sort of person that never went out of my way to socialize with anyone -though I craved deep, meaningful friendships-, was both distrustful and yet trusting of others is odd ways, severely defensive and protective of the few friendships I formed, even if they weren't the best of friends to have and, if you dared betray that trust and friendship, I would reserve biggest, deepest hatred for you for all time. I was -probably still am, even in this new reality- pretty unforgiving of betrayal. Even then I forgave a lot before the final line was crossed.

I never really had illusions about the world around me, unlike my mother liked to think.

I guess this is enough of an introduction of my mental state, I guess. Long story short I'm not quite sane. I'm also not insane either, but each day I got closer to it.

Of course, someone looking from the outside wouldn't guess this. In fact, I'm quite unassuming-looking. I seem to be the sort of serious, lily-white innocent and introverted girl at best, and a bookworm at worst. Those who try to talk to me but don't get to go deeper would tell you how deceiving my looks are and that I'm actually quite crass, kinky and pervy that says what she thinks, all hell be damned.

That is just another mask, and one I can't quite remove even in front of my family.

Those who do know me on a deeper level know I care too much and can be selfless to the point of selfishness, whatever that means. They know I'm stubborn and defensive, feeling the need to excuse my actions at every turn and uncapable of admitting I'm wrong.

All of those above, though not a complete picture of me, still have plenty of truthful parts.

As for who I really am… I think I'll let you decide for yourself. I'm pretty sure my core is still the same, even in this new life.

That being said, none of this really justifies me being reborn.

I suffered harshness, but it could have been much worse. Though my family wasn't the best, I knew most of them cared about me. I was betrayed emotionally by people I called friends, but I also kept other at bay. I loved and I hated. I was forgiving and yet vengeful.

All in all: I was human.

So why would I, of all people, be reborn? Or at least be the only one remembering my memories of a previous life? I have no fucking clue!

How did I die? Stupidly enough, it was from a tooth infection. You see, I hated the minty taste of the toothpaste. Like, really hated. So, I avoided brushing my teeth like the plague. You see where this is going right? It's not that they were all rotten and stuff. I did clean them without the toothpaste, but I guess it just wasn't the same. And, oddly enough, the cavity that got infected wasn't really visible from the outside. The hole was right in between two teeth.

So yeah. I died from a rotten tooth. What a great death! May the sarcasm be with you!

Now you probably expect me to go into the details of after death and the sensations of being born of some shit like that, right?

Wrong!

There's a reason you don't remember any of that shit from one life alone aside from brief foggy glimpses, like the pink plastic mini tub your parents used to bathe you with or some random game you played using bottle caps, or that time your parents had a big fight in the living room while you were watching some cartoon when you were two.

That's because your brain isn't supposed to work in such a high cognitive level yet. If I had to compare being a baby again, I would say it's like having reverse Alzheimer's. You know how, with time, you begin forgetting more and more things, but you still have a few moments or clarity in between until it all ends? Yes, like that.

You see, the memories were always there, stored. My brain simply didn't have the capability of recalling them yet. Worst of all? I couldn't even recall that I had forgotten them. As someone who never wants to forget myself and am proud on being me, no matter how broken I am, forgetting all my experiences, all that makes me _me_ , is downright terrifying.

So I just had to try harder to remember… well… myself. Even if I didn't even remember I forgot. That was why I think I developed faster than some of the other babies around me. I must have, on some unconscious level, been fighting myself into remembering.

I finally won that battle at almost three years old and had, in that time, learned a whole new language and culture without even realizing. It must have been funny to an extent to see a cussing toddler. I did seem to have a knack for memorizing swearwords, it seems. Drove my caretakers nuts.

What happened when I finally managed to recall my whole memories without any more setbacks?

Well… I leave that for next time.

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 **And cut! Prologue is done! Hope you enjoyed and don't forget to comment! ^w^**


	2. Chapter 1: Beginning The Confusion

**Author Note's:** Nope still no Naruto characters here. But enjoy Katsumi getting used to her new world and trying to interpret things around her.

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 **Chapter 1:** Beginning The Confusion

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Reincarnation. Wow. That is real, it seems.

Sorry, I'm still a bit in disbelief. I've just recently remembered my whole life before this one. It doesn't help that my eyes are burning for some reason. I wonder if I'm going to cry or something but there are no tears coming.

I wonder what sort of expression is in my tiny little face right now.

Well, at least I'm alone in my room and the kids I share with are napping.

My new body is currently two years and ten months old and I have finally, _FINALLY_ , been able to keep my memory intact.

Part of me is still expecting to go back into the fog, as I call the state of no memories I have been in most of my new life. But I'm finally hopeful it'll hold.

So… I'm alive! And my new name is Katsumi.

…

Now what?

Some people would probably just chill and try to enjoy their new state of being- who am I fucking kidding! Anyone in this situation would be dying to find out about where the fuck they are now, and I'm not exception!

Thing is: I'm not even three years old yet! I can't go any-fucking-where.

From what I can tell, I'm an orphan.

Fucking GREAT! I go from a broken family to NO FUCKING FAMILY AT ALL!

Yey. If there is a god he must fucking hate my guts for whatever reason.

Now, I hate having to depend on others for everything and I want an unbiased version of literally everything about this world and what exactly is my place in it.

For one, I can tell we are talking Japanese but the places mentioned don't sound at all familiar. Where's Tokyo? Where's Osaka? Where's Kyoto? Where's damn fucking Hokkaido?!

Tokushima! Fukushima! Nagasaki! Okinawa! Any of those. Heck I'd even be happy with Hiroshima at this point! Fuck the radiation!

Granted, I didn't exactly know where in the map of Japan any of those places was located at, but at least the name was something to help me locate myself in the world! Instead I'm told I'm in a place called Hinokuni, whatever that is.

At first, I think I'm just in one of those backwater places. I may have never left the orphanage, but I can tell that there's not much going as far as technology is concerned. Definitely no computers anywhere. Damn, now I have to write my fanfiction and original stories on paper until I can leave this place and earn enough money to get one. I'm going to miss a lot of new Skip Beat chapters with this.

Considering I can't really do much as of right now, my first order of business is to pester one of the caretakers in this place into teaching me how to read and write. It took a long time, but I finally did manage to convince one of the youngest workers (a nice guy, barely seventeen-years-old, with dark hair, grey eyes and a dimpled smile I call Makoto-nii) to teach me in exchange for helping him with some chores. Looking back, he was expecting me to fail in cooking rice so that he didn't have to teach me anything. He was underestimating me. Then again… I _am_ barely three years old. If it were anyone else they would have failed. So, he resentfully started teaching me. Hiragana was easy, and so was katakana, though it was a pain memorizing all the characters. The really hard thing was memorizing the kanji.

Japanese people! WHY!? Why create over ten thousand individual characters, of which you would only need three thousand to read a newspaper. Why do you even need to know three thousand to read a darn newspaper!?

It was at that time that I learned that my name, Katsumi, was a bit masculine. I didn't really care, though. Funny thing, though. My last name was Himura from my mother. I literally have the same last name as Kenshin from Rurounin Kenshin, how cool is that!

I wasn't really told a lot about my parents but I did find out a few things just by listening to grownups talking to each other whenever they commented on my strangeness.

 **One:** My mother wasn't married.

She showed up at the hospital all alone, just about ready to pop me out. She then gave birth to be and left me in the orphanage all alone. It didn't help that she was young. Like in-her-teens young. A part of me resented being abandoned, but I was rational enough to point out to myself that she was young and probably had no way to take care of me, even if she wanted to.

 **Two:** My father was a member of a famous clan.

I didn't know the clan's name since the caretakers have avoided saying it in front of me but, from what I understand, since I didn't display some sort of family trait, they wouldn't bother acknowledging me. Also, my father was dead. According to what my mother told the orphanage, he died months before I was born and he was probably the only one in the clan that would have fought to keep me, even if he wasn't a main-branch, whatever that means.

 **Three:** I was an accident.

Both my parents were teens and my mother was from some place named Naminokuni. Apparently, my father had to go there with his team and he met her during her stay. They liked each other and, teen hormones being what they are, I was conceived. Still, he'd wanted to do right by her and would have hadn't he gotten killed.

 **Four:** My father is probably a famous sportsman of some kind.

He was in a team, he belongs to some sort of famous clan and he was killed. People don't go killing others without reason and even psychopaths only kill a certain kind of person that attracts them. There wasn't any talk of a mugging gone wrong neither. In fact, the word usage suggested that his death was quite intentional.

 **And five:** I have my mother's haircolor.

Thankfully I don't have a dreadfully boring shade of brown for my hair. Instead I have a auburn hair. I like it. I also have amber eyes. Not exactly what I would have chosen but I don't dislike them. Don't know who I got them from, though. My skin is also slightly more tanned than the other kids here in the orphanage.

Some would think this is already a lot and that it should be easy-peasy to find out more about both of them. But here's the thing: I'm not even three years old yet!

There isn't much freedom or independence associated with this age. I even have trouble reaching the door knobs. Besides, I only have my mother's last name to find her and have no idea what characteristic my father's so-called clan could have tried to find in me and didn't to know more about them. Not to mention that I don't know what famous clans there are. Not yet, anyway. So that route is out of reach for now.

One would think that, with all this concern over my parents that I actually want to find them because I desperately want a family.

You thought wrong.

You see, being an almost three-year-old is boring, even with a resigned tutor to teach me to write. When he doesn't have time for me and I'm not doing my chores -which, considering my age, are almost non-existent-, I can't exactly do much other than think. And did I forget to mention how much I am a curious girl? Because I really am curious, which is why I've yet to reach my three years in age and I've managed to both be concerned with my current location and with my parent's identities, all the while getting adjusted to this body and learning to read, doing the few chores I can actually do and cooking rice.

I know, it doesn't look like much but three-years-olds get tired… or, at least, are forced to take naps at a certain time of day. Goddamn. I can't believe I'm having a do over on the whole nap thing. Even when I was a kid these felt like a waste of time that could be spent doing anything else. In my first life it would have been playing, now it's doing something productive.

Let's just say I can't fall asleep in the middle of the day. If they want me to sleep more, they should have let me sleep in, not do this! Once I'm awake, I really _am_ awake.

Anyway, I diverge. Basically, I have a lot of time in my hands and I spend it thinking. And all these thoughts took me less than to months to gather. Remember I got my memories completely back at two years and ten months and I'm still not three yet. So yeah, boredom and curiosity are the only things that motivated me to find out more about my parents when I hit a block on trying to figure out my location.

No, my original family doesn't interest me. That being said, even as an orphan, I'm not interested in getting a new family either. I may technically be a not-yet-three-year-old, but I have the memories of a 26-year-old woman. Not to mention the memories of my original family. My family may be broken, sometimes seemingly beyond repair, but its mine. It _was_ mine. Not to mention the horror stories I used to hear about some families out there. Perhaps I might have gotten a good family. This is a new place, after all. But I prefer to keep my small independence on a place I already know than risk it with a couple that I couldn't be honest with about my condition.

At least in the orphanage, aside from the enforced napping and the chores, I'm relatively free to do what I want. As soon as I'm old enough to leave the building I'll be able to do so much more. They have too many kids to watch over and by then I would only be a small blip on their radar by then. The little ones will always be of bigger concern to then and, for now, I'm one of the little ones, but that won't be forever. Whereas with a couple, I'd be their only concern.

Who am I kidding. I'm just making excuses. Yes, valid excuses, but excuses still. In the end I guess I'm mourning my family from the other life.

…

What? What were you expecting? For me to loudly curse the gods and cry rivers, much to the confusion of my caretakers, seeming crazier than normal? What am I, ten?

Not that I'm making fun of anyone's grief but I don't cry loudly like that since I was ten. And I don't do it in front of others ever since I was bullied. It started by being a way to avoid being even more publicly humiliated and then it became norm. By the end of my previous life I hardly ever cried at all unless it was from rage. Sadness, happiness. It meant little to me. But rage. Rage made me well up in tears. It was fucking embarrassing.

Be that as it may, I didn't really change my behavior much. I internalized it and dealt with it in the safety of my mind. My grief was only noticeable in the fact that I wasn't as smiley as before. But considering it was at the same time I started asking to learn how to read and took on more responsibilities, it was brushed off as me getting more mature. Perhaps too mature for a soon to be three-year-old, but still…

As for my previously mentioned depression? One would think it got worse now. Funny thing. This child brain has yet to be as affected by the same chemical imbalances as the one from before. Apparently, memories are more linked to the spiritual side of a person instead of the physical, which is why, sometimes, someone can make themselves forget something out of strong feelings like grief or fear. Thus, this brain, yet untouched by the chemical side of the disease, actually made me healthier than before. And me, as well versed as I was with it's causes and persistence, managed to balance them out into regular grief before a cycle of imbalance could be permanently established in my new brain.

You see, the big reason why depression is so hard to fight is because certain pathways get 'imprinted', so to speak, in the brain, making it unable to properly regulate moods. This, of course, only makes it more vulnerable to more depressive thoughts and the downward spiral starts to be formed. Meds can be used to control this, but it makes it harder to get off of them because the brain gets used to them doing the regulating for them, which is why it so difficult to go back to normal without them while avoid going back into depression.

Science lesson aside, basically I have a clean brain and, so long as I'm careful with myself and practice the mental exercises my psychologist told me to do -something called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, CBT for short-, I should be able to grief normally.

It's probably the only good thing about being reincarnated, actually. You seriously have no idea how overwhelming the whole thing is. I literally know close to nothing about where I am and how I fit into this place. I don't even know what I want to do with my life now. I mean… before, I had everything in place, lined up to reach my future goal. Now, I have nothing. I don't even know if I'll have access to the same level of education as before. If I at time felt like I was dispensable before, now it's even more true.

The difference is that now, as soon as I get my bearings, I actually can start taking back everything or decide on a new goal. And this time I don't have depression to hold me back.

So, for now, I learn how to read and hope for the best, but never blinding myself for the worst.

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 **Over and out!**


	3. Chapter 2: Unleashing The Confusion

**Author Notes:** Katsumi finally finds out where she is. mentions of Gai sightings but nothing more than that interactionwise.

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 **Chapter 2:** Unleashing The Confusion

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Remember how I told you that I internalize everything? Well, this came pretty close to breaking that resolve.

What happened, you might ask? Simple. I figured out where the fuck I am!

Ok, so, to start this from the beginning.

I am currently four and a half years old and am reading well above my age restrictions. I actually learned how to read rather fast. I remember I had tried to learn Japanese once in my previous life and got tripped by the kanji and gave up on it completely. In fact, the main reason I insisted one starting my education this soon was because I knew it would give me hell… and I managed in a little more than a year to become a very proficient reader. It burned my eyes like mad, though.

Granted, aside from a few children's books, I only managed to convince Makoto-nii, the person who taught me how to read and write if you still remeber, to get me a few teen novels, mostly in the area of romance, but at least it's something! I'm literally filled to the brim with lovey-dovey crap. I couldn't even ask for a Japanese version of Jane Austen's books because I had no way to justify where I even got the knowledge about them and I didn't want to give myself away.

So, this day I was sick and tired of that crap. I wanted to learn more about where I am but keep getting fed with fiction, many of them featuring ninja and samurai.

Perhaps that should have given me a clue, but heck! I thought I was in Japan! It made sense to have all these ninja shenanigans instead of wizardry thingamabobs. How was I to know it wasn't as much fiction as I was taught to believe in my previous life? So… there I was, sick and tired of sappy, brain rotting novellas, whose only highlight were sometimes featuring ninja and samurai, which meant battles had to be written into them at some point, when I have an eureka moment.

I walked towards Makoto-nii and ask him again for books and, for the hundredth time, beg him to give my anything but sappy romance, which, by his expression, meant I was going to be ignored _again_. But this time… this time I was prepared. So, I started spewing how important it was to know more about our village and that I knew nothing at all and that showed some serious lack of pride in it and he bought it hook line and sinker.

He went to leave to get me some history books, but I'm not to be thwarted this time. I insist on going with him to the library to get me a library card in exchange for helping him with the laundry for a month. He figured that should keep me occupied for quite some time and slow down the speed with which I read my books, which in turn would keep me from begging him for more so soon, so he accepted it, thinking he'd outsmarted me.

Sucker.

You see, I had a plan for that too. I couldn't escape nap time, that much I knew. But… I could simply… sleep only during nap time and read during the night when the caretakers were asleep! Simple!

So there we went, the first time I leave the orphanage. The first time I see what's outside these walls. Of course, I was excited. I was starting to get cabin fever since I was considered 'too young' to go to the park with the other kids!

So yeah… I was pretty fucking pleased.

The first sign I get that something was… odd about this place? Surprisingly it wasn't the fucking mount Rushmore knockoff. No. That thing might be big, but it's not big enough to tower over the buildings on the opposite side of the village and I'm a pretty short human being right now. At best I would have been able to see their foreheads and would have dismissed them as strange rock formations.

So, no, it wasn't that monument.

It was the dude that passed by us dressed as a ninja. My only thought on the subject was that it was a Naruto cosplayer, though I didn't recognize the character. I thought it might have been an OC.

OC indeed.

So, we see him on the street.

He greets Makoto.

Some other cosplayer calls out to him.

And then both of them fucking jump to the roofs like they're some sort of humanoid mutant rabbits and my world froze still, my only thought being 'how in the seven hells of all that is holy or sinful, by Jesus sweaty balls did those OC motherfuckers-' at that point my thoughts lost all coherence.

One would think this would be the moment the realization finally sunk in, but no, I was still trying to go by my old world's logic. I figured it had to be a prank. You know, the kind that gets put on the TV? So, once I unfroze, I looked around searching for the hidden cameras as Makoto just went on his merry way, still unaware of my internal conflict. It isn't until he's five feet away from me that he noticed I wasn't following and turned around, worried that he might have lost me.

By then I was once more looking in the direction the cosplayers had jumped towards, still bedazzled, having verified that there were no discernible cameras around.

"What's wrong, Katsumi-chan." Makoto-nii asked.

"Those two men… how did they do it?" I asked, hoping only for a detailed explanation on some sort of contraption with invisible wire and along that line.

Instead, what I got was:

"Oh! They're shinobi. I think they use some sort of energy to strengthen the muscles."

I blinked blankly at him and ask:

" …what?"

"You know, like in the books I brought you."

"But those are fiction." I point out, all the while trying to remain calm and not panic. Or at least not show outside how much I'm panicking inside.

"Well, the stories and characters in itself are fiction, but the job as a shinobi is very much real." He explained patiently.

"Oh, I know. You're pranking me. I bet those two were in on it." I finally say, relaxing a bit my stance while a part of me was still reeling about it.

"No, Katsumi-chan, I swear. No prank here!"

"…no prank…?" I knew he wasn't lying because he wasn't showing any of his tells and he's crap at making a poker face. I have to force myself to swallow all the confusion up before it overwhelms me. I lock it tight in a box and leave it for later when I'm finally alone and free to digest this new complication. The only thought I can't completely lock away was the ominous: OH MY FUCKING GOD! I'M A FUCKING MARY SUE!

And now we're back to the statement I started with. I finally found out where I am.

After seeing the shinobi and getting it confirmed that they really were real and not a prank I finally start piecing together the few clues I got like the fact that I thought this place was called 'Hinokuni' instead of 'Hi no Kuni'.

Before you start berating me for not having noticed that the name literally meant Country of Fire (usually translated to Land of Fire) Need I remind you that there are literally more than a thousand kanji characters and the same syllable like Hi as in fire, could be written with a different kanji, getting a completely new meaning and still sound like Hi? Besides, I was looking for a place in _our_ world, not thinking that I magically entered and universe that so happens to match to that popular manga I used to read. Can you really blame me for being distracted by logical reasoning? Would your immediate thought be 'yey, I'm in the Naruto world, gotta become a shinobi fast' instead of thinking you're in our actual world, you know, the one you actually know it's motherfucking _real_?

So yeah.

I put on my best poker face and make a 'that's interesting' sound in response to my caretaker's amusement at me being caught off guard and not the other way around for once.

I follow him to the library which, fortunately, though closer to the center, is still in our side of the village and not too far away. As soon as I arrive at what I rightfully assume is the Konoha Library, I immediately go to the desk and get myself a library card with the allowance I'd saved up and set out to gather all the best history books on the village and about all the wars and political alliances. Then I start gathering stuff about shinobi, their duty and rules. After I gather them all, I ask the lady which of those I gathered are the best for each subject and end up leaving with five books just with research alone, and with one book for entertainment in the genre of fantastical adventure. This one featured dragons and phoenixes, aside from the humans. I would have a month before having to return these books. I was warned by the lady that in the two months before the academy students graduated, the due dates would be far shorter to give them a chance to get to use the books for studying. I nodded and finally headed out, weighed down by books.

We stop for candy after I begged Makoto-nii and I take the chance to buy a map of the village while he's distracted before finally going back to the orphanage.

The following days were a bit tiring to say the least. turns out that the short nap we kids are forced to take is not enough for me to rest properly so I still have to save part of my night for actual sleep. It doesn't help that I really can't fall asleep easily. The extra chore doesn't help either. Thank god this isn't a big orphanage, but it's crowded enough as it is.

Eventually I manage to find a schedule that fits me and I regain normality. That and I think Makoto-nii might have noticed my less than stellar sleeping habits and lightened my load a bit? Nah, it's probably the other one. He'd most likely complain that I clearly wasn't responsible enough to have a library card if I decided to read well into the night.

Anyway, I start reading history. Now, one would assume I would jump to recent history and try to locate at what point in the… shall we call it 'timeline'?... I was in? Well, I didn't.

You see? I live here now. And as much as I am curious about where in the timeline I am, I also want to at least be ahead of future classmates on the lessons. Not because I decided I wanted to be some fucked up version of Hermione, but less awesome and more potty mouthed, but because I don't know yet what I want to do. I literally just found out _where_ I am and I'm not sure if I want to be a shinobi or not.

You see, it's not that I feel safer being a civilian. In fact, I would feel very much concerned if I did become a civilian because that would mean I would be limited to the sort of jobs civilians can get and since I'm an orphan, I don't know how that would translate into job opportunities. That and also because there aren't any jobs for what skills I did get in my previous life as an animator using computer programs. They sort of don't have computers here, let alone the programs I would need. So yeah, life as an orphaned civilian is sounding less and less appetizing. Adding to that the fact that this isn't exactly a safe world and civilians have no chance against rogue shinobi and you get my point.

Perhaps if I'd been born as the daughter of a wealthy civilian family… well, nope. Then I'd have to deal with arranged marriages and that just wouldn't do. I'd end up running away from home and have the same job opportunities as an orphan, maybe even worse if my family found me and made any of the few interested employers turn me down.

As you can already tell, I'm already overthinking the whole thing, and this is on the subject of becoming a civilian alone.

The one advantage to being a civilian would be not having to fight shinobi, but then I'd be completely vulnerable if one did decide to attack me.

As for being a shinobi… well… there's one glaring problem. I'd be for all intents and purposes in the military and I would be expected to fight and kill. Not something I really want to get into this soon. I guess I could be lucky and end up in situations much like Naruto did in which I didn't actually have to do the killing. I think the only character that he did kill before the final battle was that odd five hearted dude with the wind natured rasengan. Mizuki got beaten up but lived, Haku was offed by Kakashi to save Zabuza. Zabuza died after fighting Gato's thugs with a mix of injuries received from Kakashi and the thugs themselves. Naruto didn't kill anyone during the chuunin exams. He also didn't kill any of the sound shinobi and kept letting his teammates deal with them to advance faster. Sasori got offed by Sakura and Chiyo. Deidara offed himself… you get where I'm going here, right? My memories from reading a manga in my previous life might be hazy, but I'm pretty sure that aside from the dude-with-more-hearts-than-a-time-lord, the manga didn't depict him actually killing anyone aside from some white-zetsu, the black-zetsu and the queen bitch of chakra herself, Kaguya.

That being said, I'm pretty sure Naruto is an exception to the rule and I wouldn't be so lucky unless I became a combat medic, which I'm not too keen on either. I might like anatomy since I was little, but I'm not about to play god with another's life. Not to mention the chakra control, rumored to be pretty precise in the area of medicine.

I gotta say, though, the cool techniques are pretty tempting.

Then there's the compromise: learning at the academy to do all the basic stuff and drop out at the last minute or reaching gennin but aiming for the gennin corps instead of a team. Maybe learn a few more tricks along the way but basically living a carefree, though probably boring, life in a desk job.

And since I have all of these uncertainties around in my head, I decided to focus on what I can do _now_ instead of leaving it to the last minute because I can't decide. Hence me trying to memorize the whole history lesson instead of going for the obvious 'when am I' sort of deal.

There's just one problem, though.

Regardless of it being history about shinobia and of a world where I had already read a bit of it in the manga, history is still history and the books were bland and boring to the Nth degree. To solve that problem, I started rewriting everything on a few loose papers like it was and adventure story to make it easy to memorize. I rarely used dates unless they were the most important. Instead, I wrote the less important things that happened with sentences like 'three months after that…' or 'two year later, on the first month of summer…' which would make it easier to commit to memory.

Thankfully I was a good story writer.

Unfortunately, though, I had written it in my native language, Portuguese, and that raised a few questions when Sawako-baa-san, the owner of the building and the main caretaker, a middle aged woman with raven hair streaked with bits of silver due to her age and the warmest and kindest smile I've ever seen on anyone not 2D, came upon my drafts while changing my bedding. So, I had to explain I made up a whole language out of boredom and was writing down stuff about history.

She made me translate what I had to Japanese, which I wasn't amused by in the least, so she could 'correct' me. She was surprised at how compelling my writings were. So surprised, in fact, that she took them to the council, trying to get approval to have them be used when teaching history to children. She, from what I understood, was genuinely interested on getting it published under my own name, not taking any glory for herself other than asking me to include a small biography of me that stated I was raised on her orphanage. You know, the kind of author biography that is usually included in actual novels. This really did surprise me and showed me that, despite my inherent distrust, the lady running the orphanage had my interest in mind, even if she didn't get enough money to take care of so many children like she did and often had to cut corners in order to make ends meet.

She earned my respect that day.

The council, however, didn't fail to meet my very negative expectations.

Remember my initial guess that those fuckers wouldn't care about an orphan like me so long as I didn't have a name for myself? Apparently, they weren't even interested in so much as _reading_ a small draft of what I could do.

Well, on the bright side they wouldn't be stealing my shit and passing it off as their own. I still kept writing my notes in Portuguese, just in case. I let Sawako-baa-san keep the small Japanese draft I made, though.

Little did I know then just how fiercely persistent Sawako-baa-san was…

Anyway, aside from that small thing happening, during the rest of the month I managed to finish reading the adventure book and little else. I did manage to write history up to the beginning of the second war, all the while mentioning several renown shinobi and leaders, passing them off as characters. The First and Second Hokages were the main characters, obviously. I had to return to the library and renew my book loans on the five books and replace the adventure book with a new one.

I only managed to finish rewriting the history book three months later, with no small amount of relief. In the end they turned out to be a moot point since I ended up memorizing everything just by doing the whole rewriting thing, but at least I still had my 'notes' if I needed them. Needless to say that my eyes were burning a lot after all of that.

I finally managed to locate my timeframe as somewhen after the Kyuubi attack, but not precisely how many years after. I didn't remember any traumatizing chuunin exams with an attempted invasion, though, so I had a timeframe of twelve to thirteen year to cover. It was stupid that I only knew what day and month I was at and not the year. But then again, the orphanage felt no need to be constantly tossing what year it was at us. That was for the school children and they were in a different ward from the ones my age.

Now I can hear some of you already complaining: How come you haven't seen Naruto if you're in the orphanage yet?!

To those asking that: Dude, do you even have brain cells? I'm not even asking for neurons, just any regular brain cell would do.

The third war is still recent enough to have resulted in orphaned children, the Kyuubi attack was too. And this without all the regular accidents that caused the same thing. You seriously expect that one lone orphanage could handle all of that?! You are fucking mental!

So no, I didn't get to meet Naruto yet. There you have it. I'm a failed Mary Sue in someone's fucked up fanfic, hopefully mine if I ever get reborn in my original world with my memories intact. If someone should take credit for my misadventures it should be me, after all.

As for anyone else form the series… Well, now that I can leave the orphanage more often I have seen plenty of Gai-sensei during his morning runs, if I happen to get up early. And that's basically it.

What? It's a big village! Did you expect me to just start meeting people just like that?

So, anyway… I returned the History book and started on the two books on clans. One was about the Kohona shinobi clans as well as some clans from allied hidden villages. It also had some non-allied clans, but those were harder to have any information on, for obvious reasons. Most of the ones there were either well known for their roles in the wars or they were from Kirigakure due to the bloodline persecutions making it easier to find that information out. The other book detailed about the daimyo and the nobles as well as know families –which apparently were different from clans, even if the only difference you saw was them not being shinobi and not having a bloodline limit.

This one… I couldn't really translate into a story format. I was pretty sure I wouldn't even need this if I decided to go to the academy. Considering Sakura was the know-it-all and yet still seemed bamboozled at many clan facts, even ones regarding her precious Uchiha crush, I'm pretty sure this isn't covered. That being said, I still felt compelled to know just how many clans are there, considering the manga only showed a few.

And this was how I came to find out I'm not that much of a failure at being a Mary Sue if my story was a fanfic. You see, not only do I have some deep suspicious about what clan my father belonged to, I also found out my mother's clan, and she _did_ have one, surprisingly enough.

So, to find out my father's all I had to do was look at the Konoha clans and see which of they manifested some physical clan trait. There aren't a lot of them that do. Let's face it, a clan may have a lot of physical similarities, but it doesn't make someone who looks similar family nor someone who looks different be not a family memeber like the Ino-shika-cho clan trio. Heck, there's even a ginger Yamanaka from what I've seen.

So no, that doesn't quite cut it. They'd be rational and ask for blood tests or something, which is something that does exist here, surprisingly.

That mean that the thing the clan members were looking for must manifest physically somehow. That leaves a lot less clans on the list, all of them with some form of bloodline limit. Now, Uchiha is one clan I can immediately take off the list, along with a few minor others, since it isn't present upon birth and has to be awakened.

Thank god for that. One thing that pissed me off about the manga was all that focus on the damn sharingan the author had. Seriously, Naruto was the main character but he didn't even got a focus on his Uzumaki blood and origins. Why didn't he get to learn fuuinjutsu considering his father was a master and his mother came from a clan that reveled in the art. What about adamantium chains? He definitely had the chakra and the guts and hard work to pull those off. Instead we get all the focus on the sharingan from the insane bastards, not to mention that they were more than one of them while Naruto, at best, had Karin as living family, which isn't saying much.

As you can tell, I'm not a fan of all the Uchiha and sharingan hype.

So, with these sort of clans out of the race, I get left with the ones that are visible from the start and there is one clan in specific that fit the category quite well. Wanna take a guess?

That's right! The fucking Hyuuga!

I tried in vain to see if the other minor clans could have fitted with the few snippets I've heard about my father's clan but the are the sort that would be thrilled to welcome a halfblood into their midst, even one with no active bloodline, to renew the gene pool. The other major clan in that category, the Inuzuka, characterized by sharp canine teeth and feral looking eyes, along with a connection to canines and shark sense of smell, but they don't mind taking in halfies like me either.

So yeah, that left me with the stuck up clan that glorifies slavery and treats it as if it's no big deal. Thank god I didn't have the magical eyes of chakra x-ray, or else I'd have a brand-new seal in my forehead. Yeah, nope, that's not for me. Now I love my amber eyes more than even and hope they never change.

This is still just a theory, but a pretty solid one and I don't want to spend too much time thinking on it. If it's true it defenitely raises my status of Mary Sue up a notch.

As for my mom, well… She's definitely from Uzushiogakure. But no, she's not and Uzumaki.

What? you think the Uzumaki was the only clan around in a whole hidden village? That's like saying Konoha only has Senjo! Nah, there were plenty of clans there as well. The only difference between Uzushio and Konoha is that the Uzushio clans didn't mind… mingling. Hence why they were so open on 'interbreeding' with the Senjo in the first place. It definitely helped in gaining the reputation of village of longevity by mixing so many good genes.

After reading the information on the Uzushio clans, it's theorized that the Himura were the ones that brought the color red to most of the Uzushio population's hair in the far past, Uzumaki included, though a true Himura, one who inherited the clan traits, has a clearly darker shade of red like mine.

Like all Uzushio clans they were pretty good at fuuinjustu, but instead of the dense texture of chakra that the Uzumaki have, the Himura only benefit from larger pools. That means no adamantium chains for me. Pity.

On the other hand, Himura clan members tend to produce a lot of blood when injured. Yes, that's right. _Produce_. As in: we create more blood. This keeps us from bleeding out before being able to treat our wounds, but in turn we have to keep a iron-rich diet, especially when injured. Its not really too useful unless you remember that a lot of seals need blood in them, meaning the Himura could produce seals in higher quantity than most clans, especially considering our enlarged chakra pool, whereas other people would have to worry about draining too much blood and not being able to produce seals for a while.

And that was basically it.

No, really. I'm not kidding. This is all there is to the Himura. At least on record. Perhaps one day I could go to the ruins of the village and salvage a few Himura techniques that weren't divulged.

Perhaps there could be blood-bending techniques there? Or the ability to create blades out of my own blood? Oooooo! That'd be darn good! I could sharpen my finger nails and preform Inuyasha's Hijin Kessou… Nah I could never properly take care of my fingernails. Doesn't mean I couldn't try something, though.

Anyway, this is still a moot point since I haven't decided if I want to go to the academy or not. It's still interesting to know. And in the meanwhile, I could think up more blood uses to later see if they are feasible.

From the clan I only wrote down each of their characteristics and decided to forego the history for the most part, only listing the most relevant parts.

Interestingly enough, there was no mention of the bird cage seal on the Hyuuga clan. Hmmm, I wonder why… (note the sarcasm here.)

This only took me three weeks, and only a few more to sort through the civilian side of things. Needless to say I was more than relieved to see that this boring part was over.

But before I could even consider starting on the cool shinobi stuff, I had a big surprise waiting for me.

.

 **Over and out.**


	4. Chapter 3: Publishing The Confusion

**Author Notes:** Nope, no Naruto characters appear yet. Soon, but not yet.

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 **Chapter 3:** Publishing The Confusion

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Sometimes, I swear that whatever deity that rules over the irony of life but be having a blast with me. I'm not sure what to think of being their favorite toy…

Ok, so… in my previous life, though I worked as an animator, as I already told you, but on the side I did a lot of writing, both as fanfiction as well as original stories, but I never really did anything good enough to publish, though I really wanted to. And now I get accepted by a publishing company for a history book I wrote in story format when I'm a month away from my fifth birthday.

I'm not sure what to do with this information. One of my dreams had always been being published but this hadn't been what I'd envisioned.

Anyway, one morning Sawako-baa-san wakes me up earlier than usual, which only happens when she needs my help with some of the more delicate chores because she trusts me to be more mature than the other kids despite my young age. Usually I just do what needs to be done still in my pajamas, since it's always something to be done inside the building, which is why I can't help but frown a bit when she insists I get dressed and wash up.

I'm not much in the mood to dress up so I just grab some faded grey shorts and a mint colored shirt with a stylized anime wing on front and leave my hair as it is, only brushing it us a bit.

Next thing I know, she's dragging me out of the orphanage and into the streets with some haste.

Now this is beyond weird and I'm now know as queen of weird in the orphanage so that is saying something about the whole thing. Still, I think I can trust Sawako-baa-san. She won't be handing me over to Danzou… would she?

Nah, she wouldn't.

She couldn't!

Oh, god! Now I'm getting worried…

In the end all my concerns were unjustified as all she did was taking me to the Hokage Tower.

Now you must be thinking: Oh, you get to meet the Hokage now!

HAH! Not even. I fail at 'mary-sue'ing in that too. Sorry.

So, why were we here then? Well, there's a reason why it's a Tower. It has several floors and in each floor it has several departments, only having the top floor as the one where the Hokage is, along with all the mission handling. We were, surprisingly enough, going to one of those departments. More specifically, the one handling author rights.

Alright. I see where this is going. I don't exactly know why but I know what it is.

So, I'm made to sign several things. Sawako-baa-san also signs a lot of things in her role as my legal guardian. Then she presents my draft with my translated text for storage and hands me a carefully typed out version of it for safekeeping as she finishes the procedures.

That done and over with, we exit the building but we aren't going in the direction of the orphanage yet, so I assume we are going somewhere else. I get a bit uneasy when we stop in front of a non-descript three story building and go in, climbing to the top floor. Sawako-baa-san talks to a lady there and then we sit on some sort of comfy room that was a cross of waiting room and house library. It was dreadfully boring after sitting there for a while. It didn't take long for me to start investigating the book shelves and that was my first contact with the famous Icha Icha series.

Initially I was just perusing to see what books there were and if I might find one I'd be interested in reading later. But then I came across that iconic title and couldn't help but remember how embarrassed Kakashi was while reading it out loud and how the few snippets he did read didn't tell me much about the story and my curiosity won out over my common sense.

I only got to read about ten pages of it before a surprised cry interrupted me and the book was yanked out of my hands.

"Hey!" I said instinctively. "I was just getting to the good part!"

That was when I realized that a middle-aged man was now in the room and that Sawako-baa-san had been the one pulling the book and became aware of the fact that I _look_ like I 'm four-years-old. No wonder they were so shocked at my outburst. It's not everyday one sees a four-year-old girl enjoying reading an erotica, after all.

Granted, I was a far cry away from reaching the erotica part of the book and if Sawako-baa-san looked at the still opened book in her hands she would be able to confirm that, but neither of them knew that before the book-yanking happened.

"Katsumi-chan, this book is hardly appropriate for a little girl." Sawako-baa-san started explaining.

"Why?" I asked, more to poke fun at her than because I needed actual clarification.

"Because they do adult things in the story-"

"But I wanna do adult things!" I interrupted her in my most innocent voice, once again to poke fun at the grown-ups. "I already do adult things anyway! I do laundry and cook rice… See?"

"N-not that sort of adult things." Sawako-baa-san sputtered as the middle-aged man chuckled at my response.

This was _so_ going to be one of those stories the man would be telling his friends at the bar later this night. I'm so proud of myself.

"Then what sort?" Then I pretend to have a moment of clarity. "Oh! Is it the baby making sort?" I whisper loudly enough that the man could understand too and both of them sputter.

"W-where did you learn that!?"

"Anatomy books." I say simply, trying my hardest to make a Luna Lovegood worthy dreamy smile.

The man harrumphed, ending this topic of conversation.

"Well, I'm guessing we should move on to business now." He said and we both followed him to his office, Sawako-baa-san still holding the Icha Icha book, having forgotten she had it in her hands.

He sat behind the desk and leaned forward lacing his fingers together on top of the wooden surface. Sawako-baa-san and I sat on the two plush chairs in front of the desk. He introduces himself to Sawako-baa-san as Fujiwara Ryuuji, Ryuu-san for short.

"Hello, little one. Your Baa-san here tells me that you have something for me to see." He asks kindly.

It's odd. He has wrinkles in his face indicating an habitual more severe countenance, like he is serious a lot of his time, perhaps even scowling, yet he looking at me so kindly. It's probably because all he sees is a little kid. He does look like a family man, probably has kids of his own and I remind him of them.

Instead of pondering on that any further, I look towards Sawako-baa-san. I'm pretty sure she intends for me to hand him my typed-out draft but I still need to make sure.

"Go ahead, show it to him."

I nod silently, probably looking like a shy little girl to the outsider, and hold out the draft of the first few chapters.

He makes a quick work of his reading as I try to read his expression, wanting some input. Man, the other writers must feel pretty darn nervous. I know _I_ am, and it hadn't even been my idea to publish this, so I can only imagine how it's like when you actually do want to publish a story with your whole heart. That man's face looks like a statue, unchanging.

After some time I get bored, since I don't even have the benefit of seeing him react to my story, and attempt to discretely extract the Icha Icha book from where Sawako-baa-san put it, once she realized she had brought it along. Because she was still watching the man's expression, she didn't even notice that I had the book once again in my possession and, after searching for the right page, I continue my reading where I left off.

My one complaint on the first chapter of the book is just one: it spends way too many paragraphs just describing the female lead's 'attributes' and that cuts into the action too much for a fluid reading. But I can also understand the appeal. I mean, after only having read the mind numbing girly romance books that Makoto-nii has brought me, this is a very nice change of pace, even if the objectifying description of the lady borders a bit too much on crass at times.

As I start the second chapter, the man harrumphs again and I look up. He looks amused while Sawako-baa-san looks disappointed in my reading choices.

"Why are you so interested in that book, Katsumi-chan? There are better ones that are more age appropriate."

"The romance ones that Makoto-nii brings me are so lame. The girls are always talking about fashion and boys and that seems to be all they have in their heads. No personalities at all. Not to mention that they are always so meek and all like 'save me, my prince charming, I stubbed my toe on a table' and 'I can't absolutely do anything without a man around because I'm a girl and I have to be protected'. Though I don't like the way the lady is described physically in this book, at least she _does_ have personality beyond her boobage." I say, but I dutifully relinquish the book to the man.

Ryuu-san merely laughs at my seriousness but I don't blame him. It's not every day you have a chibi give you critiques on character development. Sawako-baa-san merely sighs at my explanation, though a part of her seems relieved that my interest on the book _seemed_ to be on personality.

"I'll keep that in mind. I might have a few age appropriate recommendations for you later."

"Really? Thank you!" I say honestly. If there's anyone that knows his books, it's the person who owns a publishing company.

"Now let's talk about _your_ work, Katsumi-chan.

"Okay."

"There have been some attempts before on trying to make Konoha history more accessible to children, and it's usually picture books, which are mostly drawings with very little text and the few text is has is very light on actual historical facts, thus making it a bad source for actual learning." He said. "You, however, seem to be on the way of creating an actual novel. Not only that, but you also remain very close to the facts, yet still making them interesting to read. It's a shame the council discarded this so carelessly, according to Sawako-san. It might have been a good addition to both the civilian and as well as the shinobi school systems. The reading in it self is easy on the eyes, not requiring a big amount of vocabulary to be understood, yet compelling enough that I'm very tempted on asking you for the rest of the book to read right now, even knowing how history went down. You, Katsumi-chan, have a gift. If you finish this any time soon, know that I'm very willing to publish it."

"Really?" I asked, feeling an odd warmth in my chest at this acknowledgement.

"Really."

"Well, I…" I pause to look at Sawako-baa-san inquiringly and she nods her head. "Actually… I have everything written out, but it's in code on a language I made up." I admit.

"That's great. If you could translate it into Japanese soon, we could publish it in three months' time."

"Really?!"

We spent quite some time setting things up for the book and then Sawako-baa-san rushed me back home so that I could get started on translating what notes I had left. I latched onto them like I was possessed by the ghost of a Hufflepuff that had the same dedication to hard work as a certain green leotard wearing ninja.

See it from my point of view. Here I was, in a world where the one thing I did study wouldn't get me any work simply because it didn't exist, having no family to ensure I got access to better paid workplaces, even if I killed myself studying and working, having no idea if I even should be a civilian or a shinobi. I was feeling so out of place and helpless that I latched onto knowledge like Hermione during OWLs, worried out of my mind about the future.

And then I had suddenly found a way to get money effortlessly.

Now I might not be able to write something of this quality in the future again. I couldn't be sure of that. There never are certainties in life. But this one book… It was enough for now. And if it got sold enough…

You get my point, right?

It still isn't enough for all my life, that's for sure. That was partially also why I was rushing it. Just so I could get ready for my next project.

I still have no idea if I wanted to stay a civilian or become a shinobi. Everyday I wish for a sign of some sort to help me decide so that I don't have to do it by my lonesome.

…

This was already complicated enough for me to deal with but, a few weeks after I started translating, I remembered yet another thing to be concerned about.

I hadn't really thought about the subject, since I'm actively trying _not_ to think about my future, but I was showing myself to be too intelligent for a four-year-old to other people. Sure, I only started going outside of the orphanage recently, but still…

Was I worried someone might realize I'm not a normal little girl? N- Well… Not in the way you might think, at least.

My concern wasn't anyone recognizing that I'm somehow a reincarnation or thinking that I have knowledge I shouldn't have or that I just _had_ to be a spy masquerading as a child. Nah, that was stupid. I mean, Kakashi became a genin at 5. Being too smart in a ninja village is nothing new. Ok, maybe for the civilians it is, but for a shinobi? Nah!

No, my concern, especially now that I'm getting ready to publish my book, is that I might attract attention of a certain someone. Someone with the propensity for kidnapping promising kids out of orphanages. Someone who would demand to rule absolutely over my life and that I be stripped of all my individuality and emotions. Yup, Danzou.

I hadn't thought about him ever since I 'remembered' and I was only lucky I had stayed trapped inside the orphanage until recently. The fact that I hadn't been found yet ever since was mere luck, especially with Sawako-baa-san's visit to the council.

I remembered Danzou when, in the midst of translating the rest of the book, I came across his name. Why I hadn't thought about him when I actually was writing it in Portuguese on the first time around? I have no fucking clue! I must have been distracted or simply didn't associate it initially. It was stupid!

My only hope now was that, by publishing this book, my name would become enough of a public knowledge that it would prevent any possible kidnappings on his part. So I rushed to finish the translation and immediately started thinking of other things I could write for the publishing company.

I end up discarding most of my original stories. For now, at least. Many of those, though they eventually do involve fantasy and adventure at some point, start out in a school environment. The sort of school environment that certainly can't be found inside a ninja village, even if it's a civilian one. And until I have enough experience with this world that I can adapt it, I have to steer clear of it. The few that don't involve school life in anyway and that might even be considered different universes, also have enough of a basis with my old world that separating them might be hard.

For example, I have one which is a pirate story with tons of romance. The problem is that I based it on the known facts about piracy in my own world before adapting it into a new universe. I did that so that it had enough of a common ground that readers would still understand it. But I don't know how piracy works in this world so I have to wait until I know enough facts about it that I wouldn't botch the experience so badly that it resembled more of a poorly written fiction that shouldn't ever see the light of day rather than anything reading-worthy.

Then there's the small story that I started thinking about surrounding the theme of Halloween… except that I'm pretty sure there is no Halloween in the Fire Country and I doubt any of the other Elemental Countries have them so they wouldn't have the cultural context.

My real chance is writing something that is set in a massively different universe that won't get too many raised brows.

With that decided, I only got four stories that fitted the bill. One was a Saga that was, probably, a trilogy in the making, that's set in a world of fantasy with humans, creatures, demons and spirits that are at war, involving a prophecy and lineages of power. I guess the lineage part might be interesting for the clans, but it's far too different in everything else for me to want to start with it.

Then the two that are basically in the same universe, except that the main lead of each of them is different. Both are sisters, but they have different lives and haven't seen each other in a long time. The problem was that the story was a post-apocalyptic universe that had been under the aftereffects of nuclear bombs, meaning that radiation was everywhere and the few spots free from it were fought over.

And shinobi don't have nuclear bombs, now do they?

So, for now, that one was out of the question.

The last one was set in a village that, looking back, was pretty similar to Konoha, in the sense that it was hidden in the midst of a large forest and had high walls protecting it. And though it didn't have the mount Rushmore knock-off (I seriously need to stop referring to it in my mind as that or I might slip and actually say it out loud), it did have a tall cliff near it that overlooked the village and had a fantastic view.

That might be a good thing to snag the village's interest. Now all I had to do was adapt the animal spirits, how the bonding with one worked and how the special blades that could actually cut them had come about.

I also had to change around a few things that weren't quite right in the story originally, especially when it came to the villain.

All things considered, looking back on how psychotic the villain is, he probably would have been an Uchiha if he had been born in this world. What with the whole seeing the woman he loved die in front of them and then becoming insane? It definitely rings too close to Obito, and back when I wrote that scene, Shippuden hadn't even gotten half way through.

The difference being that Obito went insane and basically was responsible for the deaths of his sensei and his wife. Sure, he wasn't the one actually killing them, but he was fucking 'murderously' ready to do it. He knew that extracting the bijuu kills the host and Kushina surviving was out of the norm so the fact that he still decided to go through with it anyway meant that the lives of people he used to care about became meaningless to him after Rin died.

On the other hand, my villain merely becomes a crime lord and starts a heavily unhealthy relationship with my main character in which she is expected to let him rape her because, in a twisted way, he 'loves' her. And then when she runs away back home to her village he follows her yandere style because he became obsessed with control.

…

Now I'm seriously considering making the villain a Uchiha. But that wouldn't go well with the village as it was right now.

Still, I decide to do it and, while the editor is taking my translated work and turning it into a book, I'm starting to write down the story I had initially named 'Cliff at Sunset'. I'm considering changing the name. Yuugure-ji no Gake sounds too weird even for m. One the other hand, Sunset Cliff doesn't sound too bad… Yuuhi no Gake is certainly an improvement.

By the time my first book gets published, though I've been diligently writing, even neglecting my studies, I still only have a third of the story to show. Ryuu-san seemed to like my sample and penned me down for a potential fictional story to come.

As soon as that happened, I noticed something strange.

It was as if the pressure upon me that I had been feeling was suddenly gone. I thought it was because I was being overly paranoid and thought that an additional novel might keep me safe.

…

This might be a bit spoilerish since it won't be for a long time that I learned the truth but… that pressure that I was feeling? It was me unconsciously perceiving that I was being watched. I wont say more on the subject for now but… lets just say creepy? Once it got out that I was writing another story they stopped watching.

The first book I wrote, which the publisher decided to name 'Heroes of Konoha' for simplicity since I didn't have a name picked out, sold reasonably well, considering I had no name for myself and that it had no major recommendations from anyone. It definitely wasn't something to write home about. It was a steady flow of incoming money that definitely helped out in the orphanage. I was the first one to donate most of it to Sawako-baa-san, taking only a bit for myself. It still wasn't even enough to do any major repairs to the building, though.

But for now, it was enough.

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 **End** **Notes:**

DISCLAIMER: all the original stories mentioned are in fact mine and I just haven't gotten around to finish writing them and publishing them because they never sound good enough and I constantly find things I need to correct in them. Do not take my ideas for your own, please. You can comment on the details I insert in this story, though. It's always good to have other opinions.


	5. Chapter 4: Pep Talking The Confusion

**Author notes:** Civilian or Shinobi, Katsumi makes her choice and forms a plan.

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 **Chapter 4:** Pep Talking The Confusion

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After publishing the 'Heroes of Konoha' things calmed down quite a bit. I was still writing Sunset Cliff but the frantic rhythm I'd picked up when I got reminded of Danzou during my translation had slowed to a healthier one. I took the chance to study the shinobi books since I didn't get much time for it with getting things ready to publish.

Learning shinobi law and, in turn, a bit of civilian law as well, was pretty boring and a lot of hard work that made my eyes burn and sting for nights on end but in the end I did end up memorizing it as easily as everything else which… to be honest is starting to freak me out.

It's not that I don't like the fact that I can memorize this so easily. I love it! But… In my previous life I had the memory span of a golden retriever to this sort of things. Well… this and memorizing faces too, but that is another subject all together. Anyway, the fact that I can do it so easily now makes me wonder how life is going to screw me over next in exchange for this gift.

Anyway, I didn't feel compelled to take notes of the laws as I memorized them easily enough and decided instead to buy one of these books for myself later on just in case I needed a reminder, instead of constantly borrowing it from the library.

Last but not least I read the book that detailed the sort of skills that should be achieved for each rank, from each year of the academy to Jounin and even a few additional details about ANBU, but not many since the training was private, only the most basic of basics in preparation for said training.

Each of the skills detailed had a lengthy explanation for why it was needed at a certain point more than others. There was a great emphasis on Kawarimi for Genin teams since it provided the less experienced shinobi an escape from fights too high level for them to handle, and providing the jounin-sensei with a clear path to deal with the threat himself. You wonder if this was why Kakashi-sensei insisted on using this technique so much in the beginning of the manga. Maybe he was trying to hint at its usefulness with the whole seeing underneath the underneath and all that jazz.

Granted, its usefulness continued far beyond that of a genin fresh out of the academy but, supposedly, by then the shinobi would have already mastered the use of that ninjutsu, thus being able to focus on other things.

There was also a section geared towards the different kinds of specializations a Shinobi could undergo. There were the obvious ones that everyone knows about like ninjutsu, taijutsu and genjutsu, as well as fuuinjutsu and bukijutsu. Then there were the areas in which those would be applied. One could study ninjutsu and genjutsu geared towards infiltration or, in opposition, for long ranged combat, for example. There was also mentions of the T&I department, whose training would be administered there personally and demanded several psychological tests throughout the training to make sure the shinobi was only making their victims mad and not themselves.

Basically, unlike the previous one, this book was filled with interesting things and I did take notes about them for later use. That is… if I did choose to go to the academy. If I didn't it was still something interesting to have at hand.

After finishing that book I was damn ready to start going over the basics of fuuinjutsu since the Himura clan was also renown, like all Uzushiogakure clans, by their mastery of that art and at the very least I should try to know the theoretical part, even if I still didn't have the most basic of basics in chakra.

Unfortunately, Sawako-baa-san and Makoto-nii had different ideas. They suddenly decided that I was spending way too much time working and that I should be allowed to go to a park and play. Now, there were several parks in the village, but the one that every kid had, at some point, been in was the one in the central area of the village because all the influential families used it due to its security. And that was the one Makoto-nii took me to.

Not many grownups were there at that time. Mostly just nannies, older siblings and a few genin teams were the ones in charge of securing the children. For a moment I felt too affronted at having to join the little kiddies, but then I saw the swings and couldn't resist it. I had always loved swings and felt so sad and heartbroken when I became to tall and heavy to play in them. That was something I didn't have to worry as of right now so I effortlessly jumped into a vacant seat and started swinging my legs for momentum, going higher and higher. I couldn't help but laugh. How I missed swinging back and forth, feeling the wind whip around my face. It was the closest I had to flight, in my childish opinion.

Soon Makoto-nii started feeling bored that I wasn't leaving my swing and started chatting with a beautiful nanny that was sharing her bench with him. I appraised the young lady from my swing, trying to see if she was worthy of my Makoto-nii. After how much he had done for me, even if reluctantly, and considering his limitless dedication to the orphanage, he definitely deserved the best.

I decided to find out more about her later and to just enjoy myself for now while I still had enough lightness to use this apparatus.

It was then that I spotted him.

No, it wasn't Naruto. Stop with the Main Character hype, dammit! I'll meet him when life deems it necessary. No, it was Chouji this time. He clearly hadn't made friends with Shikamaru yet and the future lazy shinobi was no where to be seen either. The situation wasn't much different from when they do meet. Some group of kids wasn't' letting him play ninja, ended up insulting his size and the poor kid quietly walked to the opposite side of the playground from the kids.

Having been bullied before, I knew how much it hurt, even without physical violence, so I jumped down from the swing, sneak out some of the snacks Makoto-nii had in a bag in case I was hungry, which he didn't even notice because he was too busy attempting to flirt with an amused nanny, and follow after him.

I find him half hidden behind a bush. He wasn't crying. Not yet, at least. But he was clearly feeling down.

"Hello." I say, startling him.

"H-hi." He replies, still a bit surprised at my sudden appearance.

I give him a gentle smile, or what I hope is a gentle smile.

"Children can be really cruel, can't they." I say with an understanding tone, sitting by his side on the grass. "And human beings in general put too much of an emphasis on what a person looks like. You'll probably never completely escape that. It's a hard world out here." I tell him seriously now. "What you can ask yourself is, what will you do about it?"

"What do you mean 'do about it'? I don't want to start being mean back." He says, but I had already known he would say it.

"You truly are a gentle soul, aren't you?" I comment, not at all surprised. "When I say for you to do something about it, I don't mean you have to do it to others. You could do it to yourself."

"I can't. My clan techniques need me to stay fat." It was odd hearing him refer to himself as fat, considering his later aversion to it. What the kids said to him must really have affected him. Either that or he hadn't developed enough self esteem to counter the word.

"You're an Akimichi, right?" I ask, more for his sake than mine. At his nod I continue. "I didn't mean that you have to lose weight either. What I meant is doing something about how you see yourself in your mind. Their words affect you this badly because, to a certain extent, you started thinking of yourself as that as well. It's not uncommon for something like this to happen. It did to me. The more the people around you call you something, the more you start wondering if they might be right after all and you're the one that is wrong. That has to change."

"How?"

"You can't always control how others think and speak of you, but you can control how you think of yourself. So tell me, Akimichi-san. How do you think of yourself? Who are you? Think hard and extract all the things they said about you away from the answer."

"I…" He hesitated a bit. "I'm Chouji, I'm five-years-old and a member of the Akimichi clan and I'm sacrificing my appearance for my clan's techniques."

I smile at him again.

"What that tells me is that you have pride in your clan and that, though it might hurt you when others talk about your weight, you don't hesitate on sacrificing it to wield your clan's power. It isn't something to be ashamed of. It's something to be proud of. Besides, would you really prefer to exchange your weight for a chance those kids might like you enough to play with? I certainly don't want to play with someone who thinks it's ok to be cruel and doesn't apologize for it. I don't know why anyone would." I say. "They might actually lower my intelligence just by my being near them." I frown into an exaggerated expression for disgust with the tongue out.

Chouji laughs a bit at my words and face. I hand him over an onigiri.

"Only you can decide how you think of yourself." I reinforce, before adding. "Besides, what's tastier, a thin and overly salty breadstick or a sweet big marshmallow?"

"The marshmallow, of course!" He replied readily, his food-loving side coming to light as I start eating my onigiri. "Though the breadstick might have been good if it wasn't so salty."

"And which of those two do you think you are?" I say just as readily.

His expression opens into one of surprise, his mouth forming a perfect 'O'. I notice That Makoto-nii is now searching for me, having just focused back on the swing and not seen me.

"I have to go now. See you some other day, Marshmallow-san." I say playfully and leave the safety of the bushes, still eating my Onigiri, leaving behind a red faced Chouji.

Unknown to me at the time, I'd just become Chouji's first crush. We wouldn't see each other again until a year later and by then the only thing he really did remember of me was my long and smooth dark-red hair and the cute light-blue dress I was wearing so he wouldn't recognize me since I'll no longer wear dresses nor have long hair. I'll only find out because I hear him commenting on this encounter with Shikamaru since I was sitting nearby. I'll feel flattered but not too moved considering that I have the mind of a far older woman and crushing on kids would just be creepy for me. Down right pedophilic, even.

But this is not then. This is now, and now, as I'm heading towards a now relieved Makoto-nii who is vowing to never take me to the park ever again, I'm feeling darn pleased with myself for helping someone else. I was feeling that at least helping others was somehow redeeming my pain from a past life.

We returned to the orphanage and from then on, whenever I went to the park, it was always one closer to it than the first one. Meanwhile, the reveal that Chouji was the same age as me made me think on the subject.

Was this the sign I had been waiting for?

Being the same age as the Konoha 9 meant that I would eventually be in the same class as Naruto and thus in a far more influential position on the timeline than any other one… And I wasn't one to want to preserve the timeline if I thought things could be better. That I could somehow be able to get Naruto better prepared for what was to come.

So… what would I change?

Well, my biggest complaint about the story in the first place was how Naruto and Sakura were so determined on saving Sasuke even after everything he'd done to them. The fact that they'd formed strong bonds during their time as a team certainly didn't help so my first order of business would be preventing that.

How, you might ask? Well, by becoming the rookie of the year, of course. But only in the last year of the academy. I didn't want the village emo to get motivated enough to try and outdo me. I would do the same thing as Shikamaru and hide my best qualities. Not as much as he does, though. I still wanted to be near the top instead of in the average. Being too low on the score would only ensure that people became suspicious if me suddenly started being the top student. That didn't mean I wouldn't practice in private. I would. Harder than anyone else. I would just hold back in class.

'But hey!' I hear you ask. 'Wouldn't that just make you top Kunoichi?'

Why yes, yes it would. But I don't want to be in a team with Mr My-misery-is-so-great-you-could-never-understand-it-or-match-it. He might have not been that bad in the beginning of the series, but I'm not about to try to 'save' someone who doesn't want to be saved and revels in his vengeance instead.

I've read many fanfictions where _that_ somehow happens, but usually that only happens with someone who has suffered more than I did and can give better advice. I don't have the ability to save him when he feels fine where he is. Nor do I want to save someone who decides to try a Chidori on a teammate just because he feels jealous that said teammate is growing stronger than him.

In the manga, Sasuke was always claiming that Naruto doesn't know how he feels because he never had family and doesn't know what it's like to lose it. And that is true, he doesn't. But he has experienced a different kind of pain and, guess what, he didn't get the support from the village and his peers that Sasuke did, quite the opposite. He only had a few people he could rely on and, even then, they couldn't spend a lot of time with him because they had other duties. So Sasuke doesn't understand Naruto's pain either and it's pretty dumb of him to selfishly go on and on over how no one understands.

So, no. I don't want to be kunoichi of the year and end up on his team. I want to be _rookie_ of the year. And that leads me to my second decision. I'm going as a boy instead of as a girl. I don't know how, but I will and nothing will stop me from doing it.

That leads me to the sad realization that, if I wanted to be on the same team as Naruto, I couldn't help him be better than the dead last. But maybe I could give him a few tips throughout the academy? I doubt he'd accept help with studying, considering he thinks it's boring, but as soon as I'm on a team with him I'm going to work his ass off with the basics until he is up to par.

If I got the spot as rookie of the year, chances are that Sakura will still get Kunoichi of the year as well so I'll take the chance to train her hard too. She had plenty of potential that she wasted mooning over Sasuke before he betrayed the village and I'm going to get it out of her as fast as I can.

The only thing that left me feeling sad was that Kakashi probably wouldn't be our sensei, considering Sasuke wouldn't be on our team and Kakashi would most likely be dragged to be his team's sensei because of the sharingan.

Regardless, I will make sure that my team will the best of the best, including the best team work, no matter who the sensei will be! I just have to be patient for a few years, no matter how much I want to help Naruto improve. It was the only way I had to make sure I got the team I needed. The only thing I still am unsure about is whether I should keep Mizuki from deceiving him or not. The Kage Bushin was damn helpful and I'd like to learn it too if I had enough reserves to make it work, but on the other hand, it was quite a bit of a crutch for Naruto to fall on…

I'll decide later, I guess. For now I'll just focus on improving myself as fast as I can and asking Sawako-baa-san for permission.

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 **End** **notes:** So... I'm just going to say it right now. Poor Chouji. He doesn't stand a chance. Katsumi won't start thinking about romance for a long time. She still has the mind of a 26 year old woman so kids aren't very attractive to her romance wise. When she reaches genin she might sometimes wonder about her classmates because her mind will slowly adapt to her body's age (and also hormones, since it's the time for those to start going crazy), but she''l continuously try to dismiss it because it weirds her out.


	6. Chapter 5: Preparing The Confusion

**Author's Note:** so, here's the new chapter. oh and I made fan art for the , the picture of a young Katsumi reaching out to Chouji with an hello just wouldn't leave my mind and I just had to draw it.

see here: www . deviantart septragirl / art / Pep - Talks - fanart - for - a - fic - 769756003

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 **Chapter 5: Preparing The Confusion**

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I know I don't mention the people of my orphanage a lot aside from Makoto-nii and Sawako-baa-san. It's not that I consider the others inferior or irrelevant, it's merely that those two are the one I'm closest to.

There are a total of four caretakers from oldest to youngest:

Kobayashi Sawako, AKA Sawako-baa-san, is the owner of the orphanage. She rarely talks about her past but, when she does, I'm the most likely to hear it out of all the kids, right after Makoto-nii. From the few bits and pieces I gathered, Sawako-baa-san was widowed near the beginning of the third Shinobi war.

She was only a civilian living outside of Konoha back then, owning some farmland with her husband and children. There was a raid from enemy shinobi, she didn't specify a village other than that it was opposing Konoha so I don't know which. I also don't know much about the encounter other than that the only reason her kids survived that day was because she volunteered to entertain the men in exchange for their lives.

A normal child might have thought this meant she told them stories, offered them a good meal and any other skill that might be used for that effect. But I'm not a normal child and I knew what she meant with 'entertain'.

After that, considering that her whole crop was ruined by the same shinobi she had to 'entertain', she had no money to survive and no way to earn some more, so she took her kids and the few possessions they had left and came to Konoha for shelter.

Her two sons were basically children on a civilian perspective, but old enough to fight on a shinobi one. That said, when they resolutely decided they wanted to join the shinobi forces to prevent what happened to their mother from ever happening again to her or anyone else, they were quickly rushed through the learning program. They were the lucky few that died chunin instead of genin. Since they were no geniuses, it meant that they actually lived a bit longer than many others that joined the forces back then.

After losing her sons, Sawako-baa-san decided to open the orphanage as a way to heal from her mourning as well as taking care of all the little children being left with no parents by the war.

Currently she is sixty-four years old and, despite her hard life, she has not lost her gentleness. She already had my respect from the beginning due to her even-temperament and the fact that I could tell she did care about all the kids under her care. It's one of the reasons I try to be polite in my conversation, though internally I'm cussing to the seven hells at times.

After I learned her story my respect only grew.

Tsukuda Honoka, whom I call oba-san, is a forty-eight-year-old married woman with a son and two daughters, all three happily married. She has light brown hair, already with grey, white and silvery streaks laced through it at certain points, with warm indigo eyes, so dark one would think they are black, and quite pudgy. She is also the tallest caretaker.

She basically started working in the orphanage after all her kids left home. A clear case of empty nest syndrome. So, with too much time on her hands before her husband got home from work, she decided to get a job as well.

She's the one who is mostly in charge of the meals and the one who teaches the older kids how to cook when they are getting to the age they'd have to leave the orphanage and become independent. Aside from those cooking lessons, only Makoto-nii and me regularly help her. She's even taught me a few more things in the kitchen on my turns to cook rice.

While not my favorite, I did like her a lot, but… recently I heard her comment about the 'demon boy' with a neighbor as I was on my way back to the orphanage from the library. Now I'm feeling conflicted about her. I still like her, but I dislike the fact that she goes along with all the demon boy bullshit. What's worse is that she didn't even lose anyone during the attack. She still has everyone she loves with her. She only went along with the haters and the other sheep. There's not even any real malice in her, but that doesn't change that she is letting other people's opinion sway her so easily.

I guess I'll have to accept her about it for now, since I can't exactly tell her to accept a kid I technically should know nothing about.

Then there's Yamada Kotone. She's a recent addition. There used to be another lady before her. The one before was a kind soul named Mariko, but she got roped into an arranged married by her mother around two weeks after Sawako-baa-san went to the council for my book and she had to hire Yamada-san, which was one of the reasons why she was delayed in her efforts of getting my story published.

Yamada-san is a twenty-nine-year-old woman with black hair and light grey eyes and everyday I wonder if she only applied to the job because she needed the money and nothing else was hiring. She treats everything here as a task to be accomplished and doesn't really care about the kids. Usually Sawako-baa-san make's her do all the cleaning since the kids are pretty uneasy about her. I don't dislike her. I can understand that she must have been desperate to end up in a job she did not like, but I don't particularly like her either. I'm basically neutral about her, hence why she's the only one I call by last name.

At last there's Sasaki Makoto or, as I like to call him, Makoto-nii. He was initially an orphan in this very orphanage and, like many orphans whose last name is unknown, he has adopted the name Sasaki for his own.

In this world you can only get away with not having a last name as a shinobi, unfortunately. As a civilian, a lack of last name is pretty damaging to your reputation, especially if you're trying to get a job or trying to set up a shop.

To counter that, several orphanages have come up with typical last names they give to the 'clanless' children. This, obviously, is kept a secret from the regular civvies and only an orphan would know. Even if it's a made-up name, the mere fact that a person has one goes a long way to pacify the civvies just enough to get by with little problem. This is why it's kept a secret. If they knew about this, they would refuse certain last names. Each orphanage has it's own standard last name to give to the kids. Mine has Sasaki as standard. If you meet a Sasaki, it's probably someone that was once here.

After Makoto-nii became eighteen, around when I was two years old, he was offered the resources to leave and start his independent life. Instead, he gave most of them back and decided he wanted to help with the orphanage too since it was, and always would be, his home.

Now, why am I giving you this overview of all of these people when I haven't bothered mentioning them before? Well, it's because I'm about to leave the orphanage and just realized how much I'm going to miss them. Well… most of them anyway. I still don't like Yamada-san.

Why, you may ask?

Well, to protect my identity.

Let me start from the beginning.

Remember how I decided that I would enter the academy as a boy instead of a girl? Turns out it's not as easy as I assumed. There's a reason why it _is_ a **shinobi** academy.

So, I ask Sawako-baa-san to join the academy. For obvious reasons she is hesitant about it, but reasons to herself that, since there's no longer a war going on, it might be safer than it had been with her sons.

Then I insist on going as a boy and she falters at that, so I make up the excuse that I didn't want to be patronized like many girls were and, since girls are still largely seen as weaker, I would have been the easiest target for an enemy and it was a way to protect myself and she accepts it.

Thus, she starts trying to work out how to get me into the academy as a boy. It doesn't help that she only has less than a year to accomplish it but, for an old lady, she sure has some balls of steel and the stubbornness to go with it.

While she was doing what she could, I decided to start working on every skill I could that didn't need chakra usage, since I didn't know how to use that yet. That meant my body's strength, speed and endurance, taijutsu, math and science (language and history classes weren't really needed after all my work), the theory in ninja tactics, usage of shuriken and kunai and some calligraphy to help with fuuinjustu.

So, first things first, I don a male-ish workout outfit and try to emulate Neji's hair style early in the morning. It's only fair that I should emulate my clan. They owe me, in a way. They did cast me aside like trash, not that I wanted to be claimed by them anyway.

Having prepped my self up as boyish as possible, I set out of the orphanage and go to a street at the edge of the block and wait there. It doesn't take long for a blur of green to come rushing my way from one of the sides.

"Hello, mister! I require your assistance!" I shout out as soon as I see him close enough to be able to both see me and hear me. He does hear me and tries to stop, carving a deep sulk in the street. A lot of dust rises up and clouds my vision, making me cough, but I endure it.

…

Ok, I wasn't ready for all the Gai-ness in front of me. Those were some really thick eyebrows. They are ever more jarring seen live. And that suit is really tight… that is actually a plus in my books… He may look odd but he does have a wicked bod! Anyway, focus!

Before he could start one of his tirades while asking me what I want I start out.

"Sir, I have noticed your morning runs for a while. I would like to request your help in mastering my body's endurance, strength and speed for I'm thinking of entering the academy next year!" I say as grandly as possible, trying my best to mimic his usual speaking pattern and failing.

His eyes are on fire… OH GOD even if they really aren't on fire I can still see them with flames in them! I've heard of the sunset genjutsu but I've never heard of this!

I feel like I made a mistake…

"I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A YOUTHFUL STUDENT! I CAN FEEL YOUR FALMES OF YOUTH BURNING BRIGHT WITH YOUR PASSIONATE REQUEST! YOSH! I ACCEPT YOUR REQUEST! I SHALL FAN YOUR FLAMES HIGHER THEN ANYONE HAS EVER SEEN! LET'S START WITH FIFTY LAPS AROUND KONOHA AS A WARM UP AND GO FROM THERE!"

"Fifty!?" That… is a bit much for a five-year-old… but considering he could have demanded one hundred… I think he only asked for fifty _because_ I'm five.

And yeah, I made a terrible, terrible mistake… and now I have to live with it.

After that he dashed off and tried to go after him as fast as my tiny body could without losing my breath.

Honestly, the only reason I even managed to finish the fifty laps was because he kept spouting the punishments for not completing the task…

…and I never had enough balance for hand stands, let alone doing laps on my hands.

The following months my body was in a constant state of soreness and all I felt like doing was collapse in bed, but I had to complete my other tasks in order to reach my goals. For now, I wouldn't think of taijutsu. Gai-san, as I started calling him, was already improving the areas I had requested of him and having taijutsu on top of that was daunting.

It was a bit hard, since the library didn't have them, but I did manage to acquire the books that the academy requested to their first years and demolished said work easily in every area. Then again, I had always been curious about science and first year math was easy-peasy, it was the one later on that frightened me. I did notice that, compared to my previous life, the subjects were more condensed. The first year of math in the shinobi academy encompassed both first and second years from my old world. Maybe a little bit of the third too? So, it wouldn't be long before I reached the ones I really struggled with.

History, of course, was a no-brainer. It seemed that history knowledge was still all there, even after months… it was freaky. Japanese class was just as condensed as math was and I was grateful to the fact that I had already mastered the language.

Then there were the specifically shinobi classes. There was one uniquely dedicated to strategy and it was interesting, from what I read. But it wasn't my thing. I didn't have Shikamaru's smarts or Naruto's creativity. I was still effective in my planning, don't think I wasn't. It was definitely enough to get top marks. But I just still saw many holes that could be used by and enemy in my plans. It would be something I would have to work on further.

Calligraphy wasn't easy either. Especially because I didn't have anyone to appraise whether my calligraphy was any good or not. But once I started on the theorical part of fuuinjutsu I quickly realized that calligraphy, at least the traditional kind, was of no help aside from helping me with my fluidity. Fuuinjutsu strokes were different from normal calligraphy. Not by much, but still enough that one messed with the other in terms of technique. I guess this explains why Jiraya had such an atrocious calligraphy that it confused those not used to reading it, like mistaking a 'ta' character for a '9'.

Still, I'm a stubborn bitch and decided to master both. One never knew when you would need someone with good calligraphy for an infiltration job.

Halfway through the year is when Sawako-baa-san finally had a breakthrough on how to get me into the academy without anyone knowing I was a girl. Why so long? Well, since we were keeping my gender a secret from both students as well as teachers, Sawako-baa-san had to be really careful in wording her request without revealing too much. Unfortunately, while she didn't reveal my plan, she was inconspicuous enough that it attracted the attention of a very powerful shinobi, mostly out of curiosity than suspicion. That person knew that Sawako-baa-san wasn't a spy of any kind. He had run a background check on her in the past, after all. That person felt that, for her to be acting this way, she must have a good reason. So he asked her directly one day.

I hear that when she explained her dilemma he laughed, amused at the request. He then asked her to bring me to meet him.

So that was how I, a lowly orphan girl from a nearly extinct bloodline and clan, found myself in the waiting room to the Hokage's Office a week later, bamboozled on how that had happened, since Sawako-baa-san refused to ruin the surprise.

I hadn't even realized _where_ I was until a passing jounin mentioned it in conversation to another.

… crap.

I was already nervous before, since I didn't know what we were doing here, but now? And at the time I didn't even know for sure why we were there and just hoped it was about my gender thing.

The door finally opens and the previous appointment leaves and we get invited in.

Yup, that sure was Sarutobi Hiruzen. God, I'm screwed!

"Good afternoon, Kobayashi-san. It's good to see you again. Is this the little one you talked about in our last conversation?" He said pleasantly which did help me relax a bit.

I bowed to him politely.

"Good afternoon, Hokage-sama. My name is Himura Katsumi. It is an honor to meet you." I say.

"My, what a polite young lady you have there, Kobayashi-san. There's no need for such formality, young one. Raise your head." I did so and looked at him trying to keep a poker face.

It was stupid. I knew he was kind, especially to a child, but I couldn't help but feel nervous in his presence. I fell like punching my self silly for this craziness.

"Now, I've heard from your caretaker that you have the oddest request for when you start the academy, is that right?" He asked.

"I suppose it is so, from a certain point of view." You admit, a bit of your sass coming out in the tone, if just a little bit.

"Care to explain your point of view? I'm honestly curious why would you deny yourself your gender."

I was ready for this question. I had, since my conversation with Sawako-baa-san, constructed my arguments in support of my request as well as done my research. It had further delayed my story writing but I knew it was important. I just hadn't expected for Sawako-baa-san to be present at the time. But I couldn't let it stop me. Not with so much at stake. I'll just hope I wouldn't dredge up too many bad memories.

"May I speak frankly, sir?" I ask.

"I don't see why not."

"Women, in general, are seen as weak and as having no business being in a job for men on a civilian point of view. Case in point: no matter how much I begged Makoto-nii to stop giving me lame girl-oriented romances in which the female protagonist is some air head that can't do a thing for herself, he refused to do so and it was only when I started going to the library myself that I could pick stories in which the woman actually has a personality fuller than a carboard cut out." I pointed out, and then, with a mischievous glance towards Sawako-baa-san I added. "It was to the point where I actually thought an erotica was better able to portray a female that actual girl-oriented books." Sarutobi sputtered at that and choked on the smoke of his own pipe while I merely smiled innocently. "I'm smart, so I wasn't influenced by those lame girly books, but most girls aren't this smart and gain an unrealistic view of the world. And what's worse? That can be seen in the academy."

The hokage calmed down from his coughing and looked at me with some seriousness.

"You've been to the academy?" He asked interested.

"I was interested in joining, so I decided to observe for a while. The girls were definitely having it easier than the boys. It's not that the instructors were bad, not all of them were, but most of those girls come from civilian families and, from what I heard them say, the only reason they even joined the academy was to try to snag a boy from a renown clan and would probably quit as soon as they achieved that goal. In their minds, it means they have to stay pretty above everything else. That trend has, unfortunately, caught on along the years and it seems that, even the teachers that do try, don't expect much from the aspiring kunoichi and I don't blame them. Not completely, at least." I said.

I didn't think I needed to add that said girls' families where influential on their own, that they hoped that by snagging a clan member said clan was bound to help their business in some way, or that they most likely have greased enough hands to make sure their daughters were spared from a too strenuous workout. That was obviously implicit.

"Indeed?" The hokage prodded at me to encourage me to continue.

"Yes." I confirmed. "I've noticed that, the roster of active shinobi counts with so very little kunoichi presence past chunin. Even worse, you can only count with a handful of kunoichi among the jounin ranks, from what I've seen. Honestly, I do not wish to be infected with the 'girly' syndrome and, the farther its away from me, the better." I add with disgust and the hokage chuckles at my antics.

"I can see your dilemma." He comments lightly, though I could tell he knew I have a point in my observations.

"At last there's the mission statistics. Those are available at the library, though they are well hidden from the casual reader and only those looking for it would find them." I tell him.

I glance towards Sawako-baa-san one more time before stating the hardest thing for her to listen to.

"Of the graduating classes, only around a third of them are girls, most of the female population having already quitted the academy by then. Of those, considering only a third of the graduating teams get approved by a jounin sensei, the number is once again largely reduced. One would expect that those would be the really good ones, but not really. The girls still overly rely on their male counterparts to protect them, even if they do get better and, in the end, that might spell for disaster if their teams get downed." I say preparing for the last blow. "Most of the time, when a team gets downed, it's almost certain that, aside from those from clans who could be exchanged for ransom, the boys get killed. As for the girls… 63% of them survive in the first 72 hours, but not for ransom. Usually bandits and enemy ninja of the male persuasion like to have some 'fun' with them for a bit. Honestly, between the two options I would rather be dead. Or I would, if my intention wasn't to become the very best of all and help keep my future team from such fate." I finish exposing my arguments.

"I see." Sarutobi nodded but still said no more, giving me space to continue exposing my arguments.

I took that chance to continue onto what I really wanted out of the experience.

"That being said, while my long-term objective is to be a great shinobi that is capable of protecting others and show the world that the Himura still exist, my short-term goal is to enter the academy as a boy, taking advantage of the fact that my name is already a typically male one. Then, my goal will be keeping my grades among the top portion of the students while not taking the top spot and training outside of the academy to be even better. Then it'll be reaching my last academy year and taking the top spot as Rookie of the year so that I can graduate with the typical Rookie-Top Kunoichi-Dead Last team to get the very best jounin sensei. After that I'll continue to better myself while trying to bring my team all to my level with the help of said sensei. Those are the short-term goals I have for now, but all are essential for my big one."

"Interesting. That is quite a dream you have methodically planned there. But tell me, why not be the rookie of the year from the very first year?" The hokage asked.

"I don't want to deal with stupid rivalries. Being constantly challenged by some boy would eat up most of my time and I already have a lot of stuff scheduled right now, let alone then. Besides, if I'm going to be a shinobi, why not _win_ like a shinobi? In a way this could be seen as an infiltration exercise, but instead of retrieving something important or killing a target I would just take the top spot." I explained.

"That's a creative way to look at things." Sarutobi said, chuckling. "However, someone is bound to find out that you are a girl eventually."

"I'm hoping to only reveal I'm a girl when I reach jounin and hope I have the capabilities to pull it off, but if I get found out before that I'll deal with it somehow. So long as no one finds out until I reach genin, I'll be fine. But jounin is still my goal." I replied.

"I see why you don't want anyone from the academy to find out, but what about your jounin sensei? Surely he should be told of your circumstances when you graduate." He asked indulgingly.

"If my jounin sensei can't find such a small thing out by himself then he isn't much of a jounin or a sensei, now is he?" I sassed and Sawako-baa-san looked at me oddly.

I usually was much politer to someone I just met, so it made sense why she looked at me that way.

"Is that so?" Sarutobi said, amusement crossing him face. "Now _that_ is something I really want to see. I'm intrigued enough to allow this."

Then, the sandaime hokage began filling out several sheets of paper and taking care of logistics. I took the chance to briefly look around, noting the portraits of the hokage. Those were the only ones of them I'd seen in color. The photos in the library books were always in greyscale. I suppose a few private photos and maybe the bingo books had the pictures in color too, but that was that.

Minato's hair really was shockingly yellow. Not just blond, but really, really yellow. He did have a kind face, though.

Hiruzen still wasn't done with the paperwork. Paper work really is an Hokage's enemy.

…

God! So yellow!

Eventually the hokage did finish his paperwork for me and handed it over to Sawako-baaa-san.

"Here you go. That should help you both. One thing, though. I suggest that Katsumi-chan gets a place of her own once she starts the academy. If you do decide to go along with that suggestion there's some paperwork there for an apartment for her to live in where she'll be safe will be better able to keep up her disguise. That way, no one will be able to give away her gender, unlike in the orphanage. It'll also give her more privacy in general. You'll also be able to visit her and vice versa. These." He pointed to a few out of the bunch he gave us. "Are the ones you need to give to the academy and you know what you need to do with the others, Kobayashi-san."

"Of course." She confirmed.

"Good." He then turned to me. "I hope to see you as rookie of the year in six years, give or take."

"Of course, sir! I'll do my best!"

He nodded approvingly and we said our goodbyes.

From then on everything was a rush.

First Sawako-baa-san went to sign me up for the following year. We already only had half a year left for me to get ready so we needed to rush. Sawako-baa-san checked the apartment that Sarutobi-san had selected for me. She didn't seem pleased in its entirety, but seemed to approve it enough. She did mention that there were signs of water infiltration that were far too close to the wiring, but she'd get it fixed before I moved in.

After that, I started planning on how I would hide my gender. It was still too soon to start chest binding so I would leave that for when the hormones kicked in, but I knew that there would be at least one student with great olfactory skills and an even better partner, so I needed to learn to mask my scent. Books gave the solution easily enough.

Meanwhile I managed to finish my book and Ryuuji-san was quite impressed with the quality it came out with, needing only a little bit of editing. I proved of his suggestions.

At the end of that half year, when I'm two days away from starting lesson at the academy, and a day away before I moved into my new home, I sit on my bed, surrounded by my personal belongings and, for the first time, I realize I'll miss everyone in here. Even the other kids. And that's why I'm pondering on everyone here.

Sawako-baa-san and Makoto-nii are the only two people I trusted with my new home's location and they would pop in when they had some time and I promised to do the same for the orphanage but it still wouldn't be the same.

By now I could run half of the fifty laps Gai-san imposed on me more easily but I still struggles with the other half. The threat of having to do them in handstands kept me from giving up, though. I also manage to cover the whole first year and was starting on the second one. I also made my first seal, though not an active one, it was just the drawing of one alone since I still didn't know chakra manipulation.

Once I did know, it would become a heat gathering seal, one of the easier ones and the first design to master among several before being able to accomplish a stable explosive tag. At least now I wouldn't have to worry about being cold in the winter, once I managed to activate it at will.

At least I did confirm that my bloodline was very much active in me. I did waste a lot of my blood for ink-making before I reached the optimal mix. Thank god my bloodline also boosted my healing, so long as it was shallow enough.

I was almost there when it came to cooling tags too, but light seals and sound seals were a good way away from me being able to master.

But, for now, I worried about tomorrow.

Tomorrow I would leave this place, stop by a barber for a boy hair style, discard my last set of feminine clothing, and move into my new home.


	7. Chapter 6: Moving The Confusion

**Chapter 6:** **Moving The Confusion**

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 **Author's** **Note:** Sorry for the long wait, but I've finally finished finals and am ready to get back into the groove of things. This is not one of my best chapters but I hope you enjoy it all the same

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So… It happened! And it was pretty underwhelming.

What 'happened', you may ask? Well, how about I tell you about moving day.

So, Sawako-baa-san woke me up and I got dressed in my boy clothes. We had to rush so that we managed to leave before anyone else got up so that they wouldn't see my new apparel. It wouldn't do to have someone from the orphanage realize I was going to pretend to be a boy for my years of education. As far as they knew, I was going to be adopted or something. I never really went too much into details about it with Sawako-baa-san or Makoto-nii, something that I would have to correct eventually, but not while I was still so sleep addled.

The streets were filled with merchants that were carrying produce and shopkeepers that were stocking their shops with said produce. Even after such a long time, I still got a bit bamboozled at not seeing moving trucks for this sort of thing instead of carts, but the eerie feeling at the strangeness of being inside an anime was slowly fading.

Though many of the aspects that bothered me about it were still present, I decided it was best not to think about it for now. Perhaps it was an unhealthy way of dealing with it, but it works for me and that's all I care about right now.

We finally reached the barber, still way before opening hours. I think Sawako-baa-san might have charged him one of her favors to let me come this early for a haircut. She is always doing kind things for others that it's inevitable that many people start owing her back for a lot of things.

I ask for something easy to maintain without needing a lot of hair supplies like hair gel. Even as an adult female, I rarely felt the need to be too fanciful about my hair style and would simply tie it in a pony tail at the nape of my neck if it got too long. In a way, pretending to be a boy was actually a good thing for me. No expectation from others on actually caring about my looks, for one, would be an actual blessing.

Soon, my long locks had fallen to the floor in blood-colored rivulets pooling around the chair I was in and around my face was a halo of messy short hair that the barber quickly tamed into shape.

We parted ways with the barber after Sawako-baa-san paid him and finally headed to my new home. This time, the building was right in the central part of the village, not too far from the academy. It looked sort of familiar too, but since we were close to the academy and I don't usually didn't pay attention to buildings in the manga, I dismissed the familiar-ness of it all. I could have done without the pink walls, though.

We climb up the stairs to the top floor where there are two doors. This floor seemed not as well maintained as the ones below but was still spotless, despite the cracked wall plaster.

"Which one is it, Sawako-baa-san?" I ask, after checking that neither of the doors had any identifying features other than the door number.

It was odd since the floors below usually had the surname name of the person living in each apartment. I was told I'd be having a neighbor but the lack of nameplate made me wonder if they simply hadn't moved in just yet, like me.

"It's this one, dear. I have the keys with me." She said, moving towards one of the doors and rattling the keychain for a bit as she unlocked it.

I followed her inside and took in the space. Like I expected, the house was on the smaller size, but still quite spacious for a six-year-old. There was a small bedroom and a bathroom, and the kitchen shared the same space as the living room, so it was a far more spacious division, but nothing to brag about either. I was surprised that the rooms already seemed to be furnished, albeit with the cheap kind. There was also a shelf filled with books and scrolls that went from the floor to the ceiling. They were mostly school material, with the later years closer to the top, which made sense since, as a six-year-old, it would be easier for me to get to my school supplies closer to the ground. Aside from those, I recognize my copies of my books that my editor had sent me, which I was pretty sure Sawako-baa-san had just stashed there herself while I was distracted.

"Go set up your things in your bedroom, dear. I'm going to see what else you're going to need for the house."

"Ok." I grab the small suitcase with my belongings, noting that the pocket that previously had my books was indeed open.

I set about distributing my clothes by their respective drawers. I didn't really have toys of my own. None of the kids at the orphanage had any. They were all shared by age group and, considering I wasn't the typical kid, what with having the mind of a 26-year-old woman, I had never been too interested in toys. The clothes, however, those were all mine. Perhaps most had been passed down from the older kids but we got to choose from those the ones we each wanted to wear until they got too small and we had to choose bigger ones.

In my case, because of my abrupt change of gendered clothes, most of mine were recently bought, though they were from thrift and second hand shops.

That done, I took my hairbrush, toothbrush and tooth paste to the bathroom, thus completing my assigned chore and making me return to Sawako-baa-san for the next order of business.

We ended up having to leave again to go shopping for supplies since there was no food on the fridge and pantry, just an envelope with money to last me for a month from my Academy Orphan Scholarship Fund. As the rent, water and electricity bills were payed automatically, the envelope only contained enough money for the food and maybe some school supplies, aside from a small percentage that I would be putting in my savings.

This time the stores were already starting to open and, with a lot of advice on how to budget from Sawako-baa-san, I quickly picked several food items from the aisles, as well as the basics of any good home like plates, bowls, cutlery, towels, shampoo, bodywash, linens and, of course, toilet paper. It was enough for the week and I would only need to do more shopping next Sunday. Using an old grocery carrier that Sawako-baa-san no longer needed, we brought our purchases back home and said our goodbyes since Sawako-baa-san would be needed at the orphanage soon.

I quickly place all the items in their rightful places, even making the bed with the new linens, before finally sitting down to take in the house.

It wasn't until this moment that I could finally feel how different things were. How silent and lonely the house was. How eerie it was not the hear the other kids moving about, even while they were trying to remain silent, how odd it was not to hear oba-san cooking in the kitchen for the horde, how uncanny it was knowing that Makoto-nii wouldn't call out for me to help him with the other kids or with the chores... and even how cringey it was not having to cringe at Yamada-san's lack of interest for the children under her care.

For the first time in a long while I was completely alone with my thoughts and I didn't know how to feel about it. Especially considering I didn't even have internet to distract me from it anymore, unlike in my previous life.

Eventually I decide to stop being lazy and craft a name plate for my door. I carefully draw the Himura Clan crest and write my surname with the best and clearest calligraphy I could muster. I draw four more and, of the five, I pick the best looking one and take the keys with me just in case I accidentally close the door while outside. I also take a chair so that I can actually reach the name slot.

Now remember when I said 'It happened'? Well, this is when that comes into play in the story.

I go out into the hallway and prop my chair against the wall. Just as I was climbing on top of it, I hear the door across from mine open and a small surprised gasp. I look back to the that the doors was almost closed with a bright blue eye peering at me from the small crack still left open.

"Who are you?" The person, a kid, asks accusingly.

"Your new neighbor, I assume." I retort back, proceeding with continuing to set my nameplate in place.

"Oh! Ok."

"Welp, this is done. I'm going back inside. Nice to meet you neighbor." I say as I climb down from the chair and look back at the door.

This time the door was open enough to see… and whole lot of blinding bright yellow hair. It was the sort of bright yellow I had only seen once before. Then I see the two blue eyes peering at me beneath the yellow spikiness that is his hair, followed by the six lines the kid had in his cheeks.

Yup, that definitely was Naruto. No wonder the building seemed familiar. It was his goddamn house!

He seems surprised that anyone would tell him it was nice meeting him, by the way he is staring as me. A bit suspicious of it too.

"…See you later, then?" I say awkwardly as I try to adjust to this surprise cameo into my pretty boring day.

And so, this is how I first meet Uzumaki Naruto. A greeting while not looking at him, and an awkward goodbye as I hold my chair under my arm.

Like I said, pretty underwhelming.

So, I turn to return back inside my new home feeling my cheeks flaming because of how long it had been since I was this socially awkward. Last time I was this awkward was in my previous life before my ex-best friend and my ex-boyfriend betrayed me and ruined my trust in friendships. After that I pretty much gave up socializing or on how other people saw me in general so I pretty much did my thing and gave no fucks about it. Strangely enough, that was the time that my mother actually thought I was better as socializing… before realizing that I pretty much didn't socialize outside of a working environment which she deemed unhealthy.

When I was reborn, I pretty much had to rebuild some 'familial' connections to ground me and thus my relationship with Sawako-baa-san and Makoto-nii, and though I get along with everyone else in the orphanage and plenty of kids like me and even look up to me, those two are really the ones I care about the most. I admit I do have some soft spots for some of the kids back at the orphanage, though.

As for Naruto, not only was I blindsided, but he was one of those characters that I always considered would get me into mom-friend mode in my previous life if I actually met him, hence my sudden social awkwardness. After all, he doesn't know me, and I'm not supposed to know him either, so me entering maternal mode would be just plain creepy.

"Wait!" I hear behind me. I turn while trying to keep my confused thoughts in check. "Wanna go play with me? I know all of the best places!" Naruto hollers my way.

Hmm… it's no where near as loud as I expected from the manga. Or even the few anime episodes I did watch.

Part of me really needs to regroup after this so that I can actually plan ahead on what to say and do. It's one of the things that kept me calm and collected for all this time ever since I realized I was reborn. The few times when I didn't get to plan anything in advance and was on the mercies of anyone else's whims, I end up panicking internally.

However, one look at the boy that I _know_ doesn't have many playing companions, if any at this point in time, and all my confused and panicky thoughts come to a halt.

"Sure, let me just finish up here and we can go." I tell him and see his expression fall a little.

My brains scramble trying to understand why he looks sad before I realize that this would have been one of the excuses I would have used to 'politely' avoid being near someone, back when I was being antisocial.

"You can come in if you want. I'm really not going to take too long." I suggest and immediately his eyes light up.

"Sure! I don't mind waiting a bit!"

I wait by my door as Naruto retrieves his house keys and motion him inside my new residence.

"Welcome to my humble abode." I say awkwardly. "Feel free to sit. I'll try to be quick."

With that said, I prop my chair back by the table and take out something from the freezer to thaw out for lunch, not really caring about what I pick. I then proceed to grab a fanny pack and place a few essentials in there, including my wallet and house keys, before returning to the living room where I see Naruto examining my bookcase.

Not what I would have expected from him but, then again, I didn't really have any toys that would have interested him and I still didn't have any ninja gear either. I would have to get a special permit from the chuunin in charge of my classroom or the stores would refuse to sell anything to me.

"I'm back." I announce, causing him to startle.

"Hey, how come your last name is in these two books? Did your parents write them?" He asked after calming down from his frightened outburst.

I finally notice that he was staring at my books

Because of my young age, and to offer me some semblance of anonymity, only my last name was featured on the cover. Because I wasn't a renowned author just yet, my books didn't feature the small biography that usually came on the front cover flap either.

"Actually… Can you keep a secret?" I ask.

It's not that I'm ashamed of being a writer, but since I'm trying to avoid too much attention right now, I would like to keep my future classmates on the dark about my stories. It would be a bit of a stretch that I could be a book author and, at the same time, not be the very best in class. Still believable, since I'm intending on being one of the top students, keywords being 'one of', but still odd that I'm not 'the best'.

"Sure, why?" He asks, confused.

"I'm actually the one that wrote those." I tell him, feeling a small bit of pride inflate in me as he gapes at the information.

"NO WAY! REALLY!?" He says.

"It's true."

"But why don't you want anyone else to know that? This is awesome!" He says in amazement.

"Ah-Ah! You still haven't unlocked enough friendship points with me to get the reason for that, pall." I tease a bit do dispel a bit of my nervousness at having just revealed to the guy known as a loud mouth one of my secrets.

Well, at least it wasn't one of the bigger ones. I could still work around this one being revealed, even if the scrutiny from my classmates would make things more difficult. And if anyone tried to give me requests for me to write for them, especially for free, I would be punching them in the face. I already had enough of that shit with just my drawings in my past life, I wouldn't be going through it with my writings in this one!

"Hey! No fair! How do you expect me to keep this a secret and not tell me why?" He protested.

"Simple! You promised and any guy worth his salt will keep their promises!" I shoot back with a mischievous grin.

"No fair! I still want to know!"

"Well, there's a solution for that problem." I comment.

"What?"

"Get more friendship point from me." I smile wickedly at his look of realization as his smile widens. "My name is Katsumi, by the way. Nice to meet you."

"I'm Naruto!"

"So… you said something about knowing the best places to play in?"

"Sure do!"

I smile as he eagerly drags me out of my apartment. Well… I guess my first meeting with Naruto wasn't so underwhelming after all. I guess I had to be wrong sometime.

…

Still, what a Mary Sue thing to happen to me. I need to collect myself so as to not act like a fangirl meeting their favorite character. That would be a poor showing on my part.


	8. Chapter 7: Initiating The Confusion

**Chapter 7: Initiating the Confusion**

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 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait, I've been in a huge job search. I didn't land an actually job, per-say, but I do get paid. It's been pretty hectic, especially lately since we're about to launch the site, but I've finally had time to finish this chapter. Sorry in advance if it's not up to my usual standards.

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Despite all my previous hang-ups about my friendship with Naruto, I found myself getting along with him quite well. Maybe part of that was because of the unusual games he played for fun. Because he usually found himself barred from playing the games kids our age usually played, he had to learn how to play by himself, and because of the hatred the villagers showed him, most of those games involved developing survival skills like trap making and fishing. As someone who already had enough of childish games, this game off as a pleasant change.

Surprisingly, there wasn't much of a pranking spirit inside him. Not yet at least. I can't help but theorize he'll come to develop it later, perhaps when he gets disappointed with his peers in the academy. I do now know he is hoping that the people in the academy will be better than in his previous orphanage or his other neighbors and it breaks my heart to know that won't be the case.

Still, I refrain from telling him so and become even more determined in being the best friend he could ever have because he is a precious little bean and… Oh god! It's happening! I'm entering mom-friend mode! I _knew_ this would happen. Oh well, at least I'm not showing it outright just yet.

Anyway, by the end of the day he taught me how to fish and how to make some of his traps. I help him improve his traps as thanks for the knowledge using the stuff I'd read, which make him deem me as awesome once more.

After that we chased each other throughout the woods in a modified version of playing ninja in which we both hid for a while before trying to find each other without the other noticing. As a final step we had to tackle the unaware opponent. If you couldn't tackle them into immobility right away, you would have to do a mock fight until one of you won.

Naruto ended up with more wins in the finding me first and tackling me part while I got mine by mock fighting due to my training. Not that we actually fought for real, of course. Not only was Gai-san was still trying to raise um my endurance and thus had yet to give me any indications towards taijutsu, but we'd also mutually decided it was best if we ended our day with the least number of bruises possible. Instead, our mock fights consisted on dodging tickles from each other.

I liked this version of playing ninja much better than the original one. Not only was it more challenging, it also helped develop actual ninja skill, unlike the original one, which was more like playing tag in which everyone was It and the people from the same team could 'rescue' the ones that were caught by touching them, while keeping the teammates from the opposing team from rescuing their captures.

While there were some aspects of the original came that were important to developing ninja skills, like tactics, they were far fewer and it got boring trying to chase each other after a while, especially since I'm not actually six-years-old mentally.

So yeah, I was pretty darn pleased by the end of the day. We ended up having lunch out and I got to try the famous Ichiraku Ramen that became so iconographic to the series.

I have to admit, it was some good fucking food. Not exactly gourmet good, but still some delicious comfort food. I'd never got to try the real deal in my world, only the instant kind, so I can't compare to my world's ramen, but it definitely exceeded my expectations.

If Teuchi-san was surprised at seeing me, he never let it show, but he did give me the same discount he gave Naruto for the food, so there was that.

We only returned to the building at dusk and; after realizing that I had defrosted enough chicken for two, I invited him for dinner. Perhaps I'm being clingy as fuck, but the kiddo is adorable, god dammit! I mean, just look at those chubby tan cheeks and big blue eyes! Who could ever think of him as a demon? To me it just makes me want to smother him in hugs and adopt him.

Of course, I can't to either. Not only am I supposed to just have met him, but also, and I have to remind myself once more, I'm no longer 26 years old, which sucks in this case because and I can't properly mother him.

Granted, I would probably be a sucky mother. I have no illusions on how much I'm not mom material, despite my nurturing instincts. But it would be better than having no one and facing angry glares from everyone by himself.

Just before he leaves my house to go to his, I finally decide to tell him why I don't want for everyone to know I'm a writer. Not everything, of course, just that I want for others to underestimate me and that I'm intending to take the top spot in my final year at the academy by surprise. This, of course culminates in him telling me that _he_ would be the one taking the top spot, not me and, after some disagreement on both parts, we compromise by saying that we'll purposefully tie together for top spot.

Granted, I know that won't happen for him, but it would have been a nice thought if it were possible… and if it didn't mess with my plan to end up in the same team as him.

The following two days go by in a similar fashion, the only exceptions being me going back to my Gai-mandated morning routines and a letter that I received in the second morning from my editor about my second book. Apparently a relatively known critic gave Sunset Cliff a try and wrote a good review about it, so the number of sales had increased exponentially. It was particularly popular in Konoha because the similar setting of the story resonated with the local population.

The one thing I had been expecting most, but had yet to happen, for strange reason, as me having the chance to tell Naruto about his clan. Somehow, in the two days we'd known each other, not even once was his last name brought up, so I had no feasible way to bring it up myself and I had no way of knowing if anyone was watching my actions closely enough to realize I had no way to know he is a Uzumaki without anyone offering the knowledge to me in the first place.

Then the day I had my first unofficial mission.

The first day of classes arrives and I drag a half-awake Naruto towards the academy for the class assignments. The day had started out normal enough, though I'm surprised to notice that almost every one of the rookie 9 is in different classes.

Naruto was in the same class as Sasuke, which doesn't surprise me much due to their 'fated' rivalry, the future Ino-Shika-Chou team was also together in the same class, as well as Sakura. Hinata is in the same class as Shino and I'm in the same class as Kiba and Akamaru, which makes me thankful that I'd already looked into scent neutralizing soaps and sprays and that I'd taken a bath that morning.

The entrance ceremony, while interesting from a grown-up's standpoint, was actually bordering on boring on a kid's, which was proven by some of the kids chatting quietly with each other during, something I ended up doing as well because Naruto was one of the bored kids.

"Hei, which class are you at?" He asked quietly.

"1-C with Kurosaki Rumiko-sensei." I tell him, showing him the paper sheet the chuunin at the entrance had handed out after I found my name on the list.

"And you?" I ask after a pause, despite already knowing.

I had just belatedly realized that the chance to tell him about the Uzumaki clan that had eluded me for so long was finally here. All I needed was for him to show me his sheet.

"I'm in 1-A…" He told you looking a bit sad that you'd be in different classes.

And he didn't show you the paper, dammit!

"Who's your sensei?" You ask, trying to get him to at least check the paper so that you could look over his shoulder or something.

"No idea. The guy at the entrance didn't give me the paper you got. I think he must have forgotten." He said.

That wasn't good, he'd need it to prove that he was supposed to be in the class. It was one of the things I'd garnered from my observations, as well as a healthy reading of school policies.

If he didn't have it with him, by rule he'd have to either wait until the paper was found or he'd have to go through a lot of bureaucracy bullshit to get another one made for him, all the while without being able to go into the classroom, even if everyone and their mothers _knew_ he was supposed to be in that classroom.

While normally the kids would be allowed in anyway until the problem was solved so as not to be too behind in class, I suspected they would actually enforce the 'not allowed in class' rule in Naruto's case.

"That's not good. You'll need it. Wait here." I tell him, my plan to talk to him about the Uzumaki clan forgotten.

This began my first unofficial mission. One I was determined to accomplish.

While everyone was distracted looking at the podium, I lowered myself to the floor and crawled out of the mass of kids. While it garnered a few odd looks from the children I passed by, at least the adults didn't realize what I was doing. I went to the now empty entrance desk as soon as I was out of sight from everyone, but the papers on top of the desk were gone. It made sense since all of them had supposedly been handed out, but that begged the question of where was Naruto's permission slip.

If it were a civilian doing this, I would have immediately searched the waste bin near the desk, but since it was a shinobi, a chuunin at that, I doubted it would be that simplistic. It wasn't a stretch that a kid like Naruto might think it could have fallen there by mistake and retrieve it. Him carrying the slip with him was also a stupid idea since he wouldn't be able to get away with it if he was caught. The classrooms were still locked so I doubted it was in any of those waste bins which on left…

No. Surely he wouldn't. This kind of paper is too hard to pass off as toilet paper.

…Right?

I looked around in search of the man I remembered from the entrance. If he had used the toilet as means to dispose of the slip, then he'd be returning to his post right about now.

I spend a whole minute looking around for him while avoiding any curious glances sent my way.

Then I see him, but he is not coming from the bathroom area. Instead, he is coming from what I'd identified in the previous year as the teacher's lounge. I hide as he walks past and then, as soon as I see that no one's looking, I dart towards the lounge quickly.

There weren't any waste bins in this room, but there was a shredder.

…

Mother fucker!

I looked at the clock mounted on the wall and realized that I had five minutes to find the shreds of Naruto's slip before the teachers returned to the lounge and then another additional five before classes were to start for me to glue the papers back together.

I rush to the shredder and spend around two minutes just figuring out how to open the damn thing. Fortunately, it seems no other papers had been shredded this morning other than the slip, so I quickly retrieve it. The guy must have been counting on the slip being covered by other things by the time anyone thought to search the lounge for the slip. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the papers to be destroyed as mandated by school policy regarding information protection.

I retrieve a roll of scotch tape and abscond to one of the bathrooms to work quietly and uninterrupted.

Matching thin strips of paper littered with kanji is so much harder than sorting ones with the roman alphabet. It's even harder to glue it all together while keeping them perfectly aligned, but I wanted to make sure everything was perfect, just in case more bullshit shenanigans were afoot.

By the time I finished putting the paper sheet back together, classes were already starting so I had to rush to Naruto's class where he was already arguing with the teacher because of the permission slip.

"I've got it here!" I shouted out just as the teacher was getting ready to kick Naruto out of the classroom. "Some incompetent nincompoop mistook it for something else and shredded it." I announced loudly enough to erase any doubts on anyone's part about it being Naruto's fault.

"And you are?" The teacher asked me.

"Himura Katsumi, sir. No need to thank me. I only did what any _honest_ person would do. I am late to my own class, though, so I'll get going. Bye!" I said, not letting him get a word edgewise. At least this way I could still pass of as innocent, honest and oblivious while dealing an insult to all those who colluded in the ridiculous plot.

With this I concluded my first unofficial mission.

I wasn't as naïve so as to believe this was going to be the end of it, but it was the biggest setback they could have done to Naruto, at least legally. The teachers couldn't teach students the wrong information so thankfully that already tore down so many fanfictions I'd read on Naruto's formative years. They also couldn't kick out a student without a good reason.

They could, however, make it harder for him to advance in his studies by not bothering to explain the things he had trouble with or making disparaging comments about his lack of knowledge so as to dis-incentivize him from asking questions. Unlike the previous, those weren't regulated. But I could always lend him a hand with those…

I pause just as I reach my classroom, eyes wide.

Wasn't I supposed to let him be the deadlast? Why was I already making tutoring plans for him!? Damn his huge blue eyes and cute angelic face! Why did he have to be just an adorable child?

I compose myself and knock on the classroom door.

After a mild reprehension for being late, Kurosaki-sensei let me go to one of the very few empty seats. I sat next to a girl with brown hair in a slick bob and reddish brown eyes dressed in a white and red dress since the only other seat available was near Kiba and though I had taken a bath, and was still wary of sitting that close to an Inuzuka.

It was easy to realize right away that academy classes work kids hard just from the first class alone. While I already knew that the first two years of regular school were condensed into one, I certainly wasn't expecting a pop quiz first thing in the morning. As part of my cover, I made sure to answer all Konohan History questions right, just in case the teacher ever associated me with my book. I also made sure to answer right in every Japanese Language question for the same reason. I never liked math much so unless it was something glaringly obvious, I made sure to answer incorrectly, if only by one digit. By the end of it, I'd scored above class average. A lot of the clan kids were right there with me with a few exceptions, one of them being Kiba, and most of the civilian kids had the tendency to score below class average, me technically being one of the exceptions since my clan wasn't recognized anymore. The girl sitting next to me, Akabara Ibu, was also an exception when it came to civilians. It was clear that she hailed from a higher class of civilian, which made it odd that she showed an interest in becoming a kunoichi.

That's not to say that high class civvies didn't enter the academy. Though not common, they still did. They simply were indulged for a while before deciding they didn't want to pursue this lifestyle and left the academy in a year or two.

It was glaringly obvious when daddy or mommy were just letting them give it a try, even when most of the subjects were still basic knowledge in general with just a few specifically shinobi subjects. They were visibly squeamish when things as simple as camping and hunting came into focus, and those weren't even the worse ones. Ibu, however, seemed unfazed. I can't help but feel intrigued at this, but ultimately don't pay it much mind.

Once the pop quiz was done being graded, we finally do start the class. We start with Japanese class since there are plenty of students that don't have much knowledge regarding writing and failed the quiz because of it.

The lesson was fast paced but not impossible to follow. It was, however, boring. Since it was something I already knew, there really wasn't anything to hold my attention, so I continued to practice seal writing. I really couldn't do much other than practice the strokes, since I had yet learned how to properly tap into my chakra, but hopefully when I finally did, I would be able to activate the seals I did have without problem.

Since I had one of the highest grades in class, the teacher didn't really bother me about not paying attention, though he did look at me oddly once he noticed what I was doing.

The remaining classes went by in a similar fashion before we finally reached lunch break. I didn't interact much with my classmates aside from Ibu because classes were theorical and involved minimal interaction. Practical classes would be held in the afternoon after we'd had our lunches.

We'd finished classes a bit earlier than class 1-A so I had to wait for them to come out. As I waited there for Naruto to finally come out, the only one to do so, I suppose, because Sasuke has yet to get himself some fangirls, I ended up gathering some attention from the exiting 1-B class.

"Remember when I told you before that I'd hear later on Chouji commenting me with Shikamaru? This was the moment I was referencing.

Chouji stopped to look at me, but at the time I was too distracted thinking about what Naruto would tell me about his lessons to notice him right back. Looking back, this had been a blessing, since I would have automatically greeted him and completely given myself away.

It wasn't until I heard Shikamaru asking him what was up that I actually focused on what they were saying, while continuing to pretend not to pay them any mind. Truthfully, I was merely curious to see if Shikamaru was as cute as a child as Chouji and Naruto were, since I'd spent most of my time avoiding Kiba to really be able see him and compare him to teenage!Kiba.

"Sorry, Shikamaru. I was just looking at that kid's hair. The color is just like the one from the girl in the blue dress." Chouji replied, making me feel nervous.

In my mind I was already commiserating to myself. First day and already I was about to be found out.

"Girl in blue dress?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yes, she was the first kid that was nice to me that wasn't from our clans. She was really nice and pretty and gave me a riceball." Chouji told him. "I never saw her after that day." He added, looking saddened over it.

"You sound like you really liked her." Shikamaru commented leadingly.

"I do. I just hope I can meet her again someday."

"I'll help you find her, if you want."

And with that I learned two things.

Number one: Chouji had a little crush on me.

It was cute, I guess. I know it would have been if I wasn't the one he had it on. But only now did I really start to realize that kids could definitely have a crush on me. And no one would discourage them because, to everyone else, I was the same age as them. Heck, there would probably be parents that would support them in their romantic endeavors. Fucking hell, Makoto-nii was totally the sort of guy to push me into accepting those romantically overtures or, at the very least, tease me over them.

I'm done for.

Though I know that technically I'm the same age as Chouji, I still have the soul of a full-grown woman and the though that the unknowing people would think this is normal completely freaks me out. I'm not a freaking pedophile. Gai-san would probably be the youngest I would consider and he's currently twenty-one years-old.

I decided not to think too hard on this subject because, great bod aside, I wasn't about too hook up with him. Or anyone else for that matter. One thing that I missed, if just a tiny bit, from my grown-up life was the sex drive. It had been a good way to relieve stress, but now… Now I have no drive at all. Quite the contrary. It's like I became an asexual. While the womanly part of me still craves deep meaningful relationships, I simply find the idea of sex unappealing.

I can't help but wonder if my sexuality changed as I entered a new life. I mean, I do have a new body and different genetics. The mere fact that my brain seems to process information differently than my older one means that even my thought processes have changed. What's to say my sexual orientation hasn't either?

Which in essence brings me to a very heavy and depressing question: what parts of me make me _Me_?

It's a question that pops into my mind every now and then, but I try to avoid it as much as I can. With all my book writing, it's usually something I can avoid by focusing on something else. Unfortunately, I've recently finished a book and haven't decided yet what to write next.

Moving on from that depressing topic!

Where was I? Oh, right. The second thing I learned from this interaction.

I was extremely lucky that Chouji didn't recognize me. But there were no guaranties that I would be as lucky in the future. Right now, even if Shikamaru's inquiries led them to my orphanage, all the information they could have gathered was that I'd been adopted and they didn't know where I was at the moment.

That is… if Makoto-nii didn't decide that setting us together was more important that my lifeplans. Fortunately, I'm sure that, as much as he would have loved to tease me, Makoto-nii definitely as better brains than that, so I'm safe for now.

But, in the future, I would have to be far more careful. Especially if I ever earned the young Nara's attention as my current self and not my girl-in-dress self.

Finally, class 1-A leave the classroom. Some kids look at me, probably recognizing me from the start of the day, but don't actually come and talk to me. Naruto is one of the last to leave the class. He looks a bit sad at first but, as soon as he laid eyes on me, the expression vanished as if it had never been there in the first place. If I didn't know better, I would have easily dismissed it but, because I was still expecting the teacher to react in some negative way to him, I wasn't fooled in the least by his happy façade.

Still, I let him continue to chatter at me about the topics we were most looking forward to learning. His mostly consisted in showy cool ninjutsu while mine were more reasonable. We shared the lone swing under the tree in the playground as we ate lunch.

All in all, it wasn't a bad start of the day, even if I got struck by some harsh realities through it. It wasn't anything new as far as I was concerned, so I'm sure I could handle it.


End file.
